homesick homesick.

i'd have to say im severely homesick.

i miss the winter. the cold snow. walking outside and breathing the fresh fresh air. if i could just have one month of that, i would be crazily happy. and im not even planning on going home again until sometime in 2011.

i miss simple little things. going on walks. hanging out outside. i would die to be on the docks right now, i dont even care how damn cold it is there. i miss simplicity. like going to the grocery store and not having everyone stare at me. and i miss cheese and sandwiches. and family. and friends.

when i was home i never took any of it for granted those 3 months, i loved and enjoyed every minute of it. the brie cheese, avocado, tomato sandwiches. the sleepovers with bestfriends. the beer and wine. the autumn leaves. the clean streets. all the cute little restaurants and shops (that i didnt go shopping at, but ate at}. people not being late. having good conversations. having family invite me over for dinner. feeling so loved and appreciated. driving with friends, and radio pop hits. taking the greyhound. heck, taking the grt. bestamor and everything about her and her house. uncle jens and aunt josies yard. sauble, though i never went while i was home. mommy and josh and anna-lise. wildlife. parks. picnics. long walks in toronto.

GOD. i fucking miss canada. i miss my friends. i miss my family. i miss everything.

this is so hard this time.

xmas is in one week.
i feel bummed.
i talked to bestamor last night. it was good. but it really made me miss canada.
it may be just one day of the year but i really liked spending that time with my family. it was great to see everyone when i was home. my friends, my family and all my new friends.
we are having a bbq here for xmas. not really a xmas party cuz we wont celebrate it the same way, but just kinda a party so we are not lonely on xmas, and we can appreciate our good friends here. and not think about our family and friends at home :(
denver will be here. denver is my bestfriend from highschool. im really really excited cuz we havent spent more than a couple hours together since highschool, and he is a really fucking cool dude. adams sister, laura is here, but i dont think i will get a chance to see her, which is obviously a bummer.
ill keep looking up though. not focusing on things that go wrong. its working pretty well. i feel real happy and relaxed. work is work. and thats that.
but my life is for fun and happiness and thats how its gonna be.

i really miss everyone and everything. i hope this gets a little easier.

tomorrow i will be a bridesmaid.

I wish me and this island of penang could get along. everytime i come here, i feel excited about the food, and the sun but i think thats all we have in common. this trip is not exactly my cup of tea either. im not here alone, im with a girl from china who speaks only mandarin, but is super cute and i wish we could become friends.
a teacher from my new work, who im not quite sure how to feel about. the chinese community in medan are not the most welcoming, lovely bunch to be around. and lastly, my boss, who is beyond strange. today he made us girls carry his shopping bags. uh, hello? are you indonesian buddy? a country where men carry there significant others purses in the shopping malls regularly? also, we went to a place for lunch where i couldnt eat and though i told him this, we sat down anyways. then he kept asking what i was gonna do for lunch. ugh
then we went to the mall for 3 hours, where i didnt spend a cent. oh, wait, i bought a bottle of water. but the most exciting news thus far is that oh man, this is so good, the mall had a top shop. and i was standing and browsing and adoring the clothing in REAL LIFE. not on the computer. ive been looking at their website for years now, and dreaming of their clothing, but i must keep dreaming because any piece of clothing that is worth owning in that store is far out of my budget.
we're staying in a hotel. like a holiday inn, actually probably better than that. i usually stay in guesthouses, with fans and cockroaches. i think i prefer this. im not used to this fancy lifestyle in asia. i cant find an internet cafe, because all the people in my hotel are probably rich and have laptops and dont need internet cafes. but me, i walked for 15 mins, and even took a different way back and still couldnt find one. the cockroach fan room is close to everything. best thing is, is its close to little india.
tomorrow im not sure what these people have planned, but i dont think i will join them. i'd much rather spend my time alone, walking around, eating indian food, getting a tan. in medan im always stuck in malls. i despise it. but its kinda risky walking around the streets of medan alone, and nobody will join me cuz their skin will turn brown. so ill take advantage of my walking freedom here.
on a completely other note, i really think im gonna start working on myself. i think too hard. i think most western people are this way. i worry too much and take my stress out on people i love. plus i stress too much. i wanna clear my mind of worry and accept it. i think if i can do this, i will bring alot more happiness and good to my life. im happy now, i just worry alot. i dont want it making me old and sick, and i think thats where its heading. so im gonna try and control it. ANY TIPS?

ps. this is postdated to dec 8th. where i couldnt find an internet cafe. i wrote this on paper.
pps or pss. my mom wants my address and some others have been askign too.
so

Jl. Kapten Muslim gg. solo #11
Medan, North Sumatera
Indonesia
20124

only in indo.

in indonesia you can rent a room in a karaoke bar, and have a private party. someone dj's and usually people drink and do ecstasy, but i would say the latter is the more popular of the two. you can choose to lock the door and not allow workers to come in, and thats exactly what a group of young adults did on friday night.

they locked the door of their KTV (private party) room, so that nobody could come in. well, that was a pretty stupid idea. because while they were in there partying there was a fire in the building. people tried to knock on the door to get these people out, but they did not hear, nor answer. fearing for their lives, the workers all left. the power went out, but this is usual thing in indonesia. we called it mati lampu, blackouts. so they sat in this room and waited for them to turn on the generators. all the while, the building was on fire. there were 23 people in the room and they all died.

this is obviously very tragic, but how could you be so so stupid? im a very sympathetic person, but when something like this happens, i sometimes just feel like what the fuck were they thinking? and if they had used one bit of their brain they would have realized something bad was going on, or at least opened their door to see what was going on. so as sad as it is that 23 people lost their life, i will hope that people take this as a lesson. i dont feel much sympathy for them. i dont feel much sympathy for people who call on god to take them. and i believe if you are destroying your body, especially if doctors have recommended you not to, then im sorry, but you are speeding up the process of your death, and that i do not sympathize with.

breathe.
just breathe.

im trying to update everyday but i cant even think.

i shot pre wedding photos for my friends yesterday. it was cute. and we had to pay this man cuz we were in a private area. fuck corruption.

im so hungry and want a nice sandwich. i really miss the food already. i eat the same thing here almost daily and im sick of it already. hahaha.

all my girlfriends are not in the city. come come back to meeee...
i think this is gonna be a boring month of no job. but im trying to find private lessons now.

thats all now. hahah

only in asia.

im going to try my hardest to update this daily.

i have arrived in indonesia.
today on the way to the airport in kuala lumpur me and my friend angga were in a taxi and the tire popped. the driver pulled over to check it out, it was fully popped, could see the rim. he kept driving, slowly, to the airport. only only here would this happen.

ive been bitten by a thousand ants already. fuck.

it was amazing to see denni. he sounded sick though. he is at school now. has exams. its my friends birthday, and i dunno if i said this before but for your birthday you must pay for everyone. so we will go to one of my favourite places called, nelayan. it has dimsum and shit and im gonna get bihun seafood goreng and crab and corn soup and im stoked. i had a watermelon juice already. it was delish. and im so tired.

last night i was in malaysia visiting my friends. it was wonderful. we got baked and drank some beer and just hung out. i didnt see anything there at all. but i didnt really have the energy to. i will go back.

my flight was alright. not bad. not good. long. obviously.
i met a guy from mississauga who dates a girl from sheridan's photography program. weird. he is an underwater photographer. cool. and they didnt order me vegetarian meal, but it ended up being okay because there was salmon. my legs were swollen after the flight. apparently thats bad.

i already miss everyone. and english. but its fun being around everything so different.
MUCH LOVE