Monday, December 29, 2008

Christmas has definitely been different this year, but what else did i expect? Christmas eve was probably the hardest of all. While my family were all getting ready to go to my Aunts and all be together i was here in Meadan with a couple of people who decided it was important enough to leave the internet cafe, which consumes their lives and keep me company and eat the food me, denni and arun prepared. Though they showed up 3 hours late I still appreciate that they came. I had many arguments with the security guards in my complex which lead to tears of frustration and missing everything being so easy, and obviously the fact that if i were in Canada and it was Christmas Eve, I would be in a room full of Madsens' sipping, actually probably gulping wine, and eating as much rice pudding as possible until someone found the almond.

Not everything about Christmas was so bad. I planned a BBQ which only 6 of the 20 so people i invited showed up to. but during the day denni and i went on a picnic to this park with weird children, and by the way, indonesians HATE being outside because their skin gets darker (completely ridiculous thinking, but true) anyways, while i basked in the sun, denni sat in the shade and denounced his love for picnics. I was truley surprised, but extremely happy because now we will be going on more of them. i hope. anyways, it was super cute. then we went to carrefor where we bought loads of stuff for the bbq, including a bbq and then wondered how the hell we were going to fit this, plus ourselves on a motorcycle, it was HILARIOUS. so so crazy, we did it. it was completely laughable, i was laughing so much. i made homemade burgers, and bought some salmon, and made some veggies and even asparagus, YUM. but still the fact that barely anyone showed up made me super sad. I guess i realized that all "my friends" are denni's friends, and im just his gf that tags along. I thought they cared but im starting to realize this is untrue. I dont have friends here. i know some of them care but its hard because we dont exactly speak the same language but im beginning to find it very hard to not have friends. im always surrounded by good amazing, kind-hearted, loving people, ALWAYS. I guess I am pretty damn lucky to be able to say this. And for the first time in my life i dont have these kind of people around. i have denni, who has been incredibly awesome and understanding throughout these holidays and truly i would be a total mess if it wasnt for him but still i need that solid ground, these solid friends that i know are there for me and vice versa.

NOTE: i am totally going to go off on a rant and then will return to the christmas post.

Nobody here is open. I havent heard anyone share their feelings, crying is looked down upon, what kind of society is this? How can you justify crying being a bad thing?

I'm really confused about this culture, in some ways they seems so geniunely happy and content with their lives but they are all so unfree, so locked up! the children arent allowed to do anything their parents dont agree with, they arent allowed to move out unless they are married or studying aboard, they arent allowed to marry out of love but out of religion, they arent allowed to do anything with their bodies or life that their parents didnt do. How do you learn, how do you grow if you cant make mistakes? I see very few rebel from this, which is so strange to me. I mean we were given so much freedom yet still rebelled, well i know i did. ok, now on the other side of things, the parents are treated much better than we probably treated ours during our adolescent years but where do you draw the line? were we completely out of whack, completely fucked up? no, of course not, we had our moments im sure of it, but never did we feel like we didnt love our parents, didnt respect what they had to say. we took their guidance into consideration and they know that, but you cant always side with them, you cant make the same choices they did or they deem right. we are our own people because our parents gave us freedom to choose, maybe not with all choices, and we probably made some bad ones along the way but i can never ever imagine living and thinking about what my parents will think about every single decision i make. the thing is though, all the parents know they have this control and power over their children and it all seems so unfair. they use it against their children and its horrible. dont get me wrong i respect my parents but they arent going to make my choices for me. i guess the control, the non-independence and freedom young people have is the thing i single-handedly hate most about this culture.

There has to be a point where you realize you are you and not a replica of your parents. be your own person, do your own thing, there is so much in life your parents were afraid to do, were to consumed to do, didnt have the chance that you have. Go and do these things, and dont hold back. You will regret more things you didnt do then mistakes you made along the way.


Christmas day was weird.
obviously the weirdest. i woke up at 6am to go meet my family on the internet. after that we came home and denni opened his stocking and we slept some more. we went to his house and i got my xmas present a new phone, CDMA bitches. im stoked about it. anyways, i went to work with him because my friends didnt call me and i didnt want to be alone. then zura called and i went and saw twilight with her and her friends, which wasnt as lame as i thought it was gonna be. after that i just went back to macbeth, where there was a whole bunch of people and indah and arga came and indah gave me her xmas gift, a cute little butterfly shirt from bali. we then waited for the rain to stop and went out for dinner at trattoria, this italian resturant, where denni had his first xmas dinner, though he said he wasnt celebrating, i drank wine and that made me happy. it made me happy that he came and ate christmas dinner with me and was just so super awesome about it. so that was my christmas.

other than that i havent been doing much, dennis friend molen is in town, who is fucking really rad and im so stoked about it. and im not sure what im doing new years, there is this party on the beach but i dunno, its so far away, who knows. maybe hotel party?!

enjoy your holidays friends.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

im sad.
all my bule friends are leaving me, im here in medan, im going with indah and arga to their family on xmas day but i just cant help being very overwhelmed and completely sad.

today stacie leaves, and im going to cry so hard. im already crying.

i just wanna have a good xmas. i wont.

Friday, December 5, 2008

im keeping so busy here in medan, and having so much fun that sometimes i forget to stop and think about home. i mean, i guess its okay because then i dont get sad that i miss everyone so much, but it makes me feel weird and bad and really sad when i breathe and think about everyone.

i have been doing things that i definitely dont do in canada. the other day we went to karaoke, like intimate karaoke. have you ever seen lost in translation? YEAH, like that. it was so weird and cool. it was half indonesians and half bules. I have been hanging out with lindsay and stacie alot and they both leave this month, actually half of the western teachers leave this month. the only ones left are me, adam, jason and keith. its going to be so weird. i will be living in a house all by myself for 2 weeks until a 25 year old british guy shows up, which is my new roomie. i wish someone from canada would get the fuck out here and teach with me. i promise we would have fun. obviously. anyways, im really sad lindsay and stacie are leaving, stacie is coming back to indonesia in 3 weeks though, just to jakarta and not medan, so i will see her soon enough. since im moving to jemadi i am going to have to say bye to some of my classes at hayam. my favourite class is there, its mostly girls age 14-16 and two boys. they are really sweet and ask me about everything and i will like talking to them and teaching them. everytime they pronounce a word wrong i will repeat it correctly, but if you know me, you know how i talk and kind of make all my words with strange tones, or sounding like a question, well they all copy exactly how i say it and then i laugh really hard at them.

on another note. i got my ribs tattooed. holy crap. one, is it ever cheap to get tattoos here, two, HOLY FUCK. does that hurt like a mother fucker or what. i was in so much pain i almost threw up afterwards. it was intense. denni got a tattoo and apparently muslims arent allowed to have tattoos. the qu'ran says that it closes your skin(blocks your pores) i basically said thats bullshit, cuz it is. and the tattoo artist told him that as well, so he did it. but he's hiding it from his mom cuz if she finds out he will be in deep shit.

i miss the snow believe it or not, i think i just miss breathing that nice fresh air and being cold and cuddling. i go to bukit lawang again this weekend so thats retreat enough. GOD i love the jungle. on monday i go to jakarta. im gonna see angels and airwaves, hahahahahahahahaha. and give out flyers for macbeth. god im so cool. lol.

i always feel like i have so much more to say when i start writing and then i cant think of anything. things happen during my time that i think thats interesting and i should tell people about that. but i forget. oh, fact. boys here think if girls dont shave their legs its hot, WEIRD. just a little cultural differences for y'all.