xmas is in one week.
i feel bummed.
i talked to bestamor last night. it was good. but it really made me miss canada.
it may be just one day of the year but i really liked spending that time with my family. it was great to see everyone when i was home. my friends, my family and all my new friends.
we are having a bbq here for xmas. not really a xmas party cuz we wont celebrate it the same way, but just kinda a party so we are not lonely on xmas, and we can appreciate our good friends here. and not think about our family and friends at home :(
denver will be here. denver is my bestfriend from highschool. im really really excited cuz we havent spent more than a couple hours together since highschool, and he is a really fucking cool dude. adams sister, laura is here, but i dont think i will get a chance to see her, which is obviously a bummer.
ill keep looking up though. not focusing on things that go wrong. its working pretty well. i feel real happy and relaxed. work is work. and thats that.
but my life is for fun and happiness and thats how its gonna be.

i really miss everyone and everything. i hope this gets a little easier.

tomorrow i will be a bridesmaid.

I wish me and this island of penang could get along. everytime i come here, i feel excited about the food, and the sun but i think thats all we have in common. this trip is not exactly my cup of tea either. im not here alone, im with a girl from china who speaks only mandarin, but is super cute and i wish we could become friends.
a teacher from my new work, who im not quite sure how to feel about. the chinese community in medan are not the most welcoming, lovely bunch to be around. and lastly, my boss, who is beyond strange. today he made us girls carry his shopping bags. uh, hello? are you indonesian buddy? a country where men carry there significant others purses in the shopping malls regularly? also, we went to a place for lunch where i couldnt eat and though i told him this, we sat down anyways. then he kept asking what i was gonna do for lunch. ugh
then we went to the mall for 3 hours, where i didnt spend a cent. oh, wait, i bought a bottle of water. but the most exciting news thus far is that oh man, this is so good, the mall had a top shop. and i was standing and browsing and adoring the clothing in REAL LIFE. not on the computer. ive been looking at their website for years now, and dreaming of their clothing, but i must keep dreaming because any piece of clothing that is worth owning in that store is far out of my budget.
we're staying in a hotel. like a holiday inn, actually probably better than that. i usually stay in guesthouses, with fans and cockroaches. i think i prefer this. im not used to this fancy lifestyle in asia. i cant find an internet cafe, because all the people in my hotel are probably rich and have laptops and dont need internet cafes. but me, i walked for 15 mins, and even took a different way back and still couldnt find one. the cockroach fan room is close to everything. best thing is, is its close to little india.
tomorrow im not sure what these people have planned, but i dont think i will join them. i'd much rather spend my time alone, walking around, eating indian food, getting a tan. in medan im always stuck in malls. i despise it. but its kinda risky walking around the streets of medan alone, and nobody will join me cuz their skin will turn brown. so ill take advantage of my walking freedom here.
on a completely other note, i really think im gonna start working on myself. i think too hard. i think most western people are this way. i worry too much and take my stress out on people i love. plus i stress too much. i wanna clear my mind of worry and accept it. i think if i can do this, i will bring alot more happiness and good to my life. im happy now, i just worry alot. i dont want it making me old and sick, and i think thats where its heading. so im gonna try and control it. ANY TIPS?

ps. this is postdated to dec 8th. where i couldnt find an internet cafe. i wrote this on paper.
pps or pss. my mom wants my address and some others have been askign too.
so

Jl. Kapten Muslim gg. solo #11
Medan, North Sumatera
Indonesia
20124

only in indo.

in indonesia you can rent a room in a karaoke bar, and have a private party. someone dj's and usually people drink and do ecstasy, but i would say the latter is the more popular of the two. you can choose to lock the door and not allow workers to come in, and thats exactly what a group of young adults did on friday night.

they locked the door of their KTV (private party) room, so that nobody could come in. well, that was a pretty stupid idea. because while they were in there partying there was a fire in the building. people tried to knock on the door to get these people out, but they did not hear, nor answer. fearing for their lives, the workers all left. the power went out, but this is usual thing in indonesia. we called it mati lampu, blackouts. so they sat in this room and waited for them to turn on the generators. all the while, the building was on fire. there were 23 people in the room and they all died.

this is obviously very tragic, but how could you be so so stupid? im a very sympathetic person, but when something like this happens, i sometimes just feel like what the fuck were they thinking? and if they had used one bit of their brain they would have realized something bad was going on, or at least opened their door to see what was going on. so as sad as it is that 23 people lost their life, i will hope that people take this as a lesson. i dont feel much sympathy for them. i dont feel much sympathy for people who call on god to take them. and i believe if you are destroying your body, especially if doctors have recommended you not to, then im sorry, but you are speeding up the process of your death, and that i do not sympathize with.

breathe.
just breathe.

im trying to update everyday but i cant even think.

i shot pre wedding photos for my friends yesterday. it was cute. and we had to pay this man cuz we were in a private area. fuck corruption.

im so hungry and want a nice sandwich. i really miss the food already. i eat the same thing here almost daily and im sick of it already. hahaha.

all my girlfriends are not in the city. come come back to meeee...
i think this is gonna be a boring month of no job. but im trying to find private lessons now.

thats all now. hahah

only in asia.

im going to try my hardest to update this daily.

i have arrived in indonesia.
today on the way to the airport in kuala lumpur me and my friend angga were in a taxi and the tire popped. the driver pulled over to check it out, it was fully popped, could see the rim. he kept driving, slowly, to the airport. only only here would this happen.

ive been bitten by a thousand ants already. fuck.

it was amazing to see denni. he sounded sick though. he is at school now. has exams. its my friends birthday, and i dunno if i said this before but for your birthday you must pay for everyone. so we will go to one of my favourite places called, nelayan. it has dimsum and shit and im gonna get bihun seafood goreng and crab and corn soup and im stoked. i had a watermelon juice already. it was delish. and im so tired.

last night i was in malaysia visiting my friends. it was wonderful. we got baked and drank some beer and just hung out. i didnt see anything there at all. but i didnt really have the energy to. i will go back.

my flight was alright. not bad. not good. long. obviously.
i met a guy from mississauga who dates a girl from sheridan's photography program. weird. he is an underwater photographer. cool. and they didnt order me vegetarian meal, but it ended up being okay because there was salmon. my legs were swollen after the flight. apparently thats bad.

i already miss everyone. and english. but its fun being around everything so different.
MUCH LOVE

everything that hurts me just makes me stronger.

i feel i need to reflect on my trip thus far.

WOW. is how its been. WOW.

ive been through SO much in this short time and learned so so much about myself and life. and even though alot of bad shit happened. i happened to turn it around and find some really good things.

i love canada.
when i got here i dunno if i felt that way. if you've read my blog since hali you will know that i wasnt too happy before i moved to hali and in hali but then i went to indo and it was completely amazing and i met amazing people and have a wonderful boyfriend. i like my life there. and didnt really know how i felt about the one in canada anymore.

my first month, my life pretty much fell all around me and it was horrible. i had some stability from my friends and family and some that pushed me away instead of helping me through things. thank you dearly dearly to those who helped. you know exactly who you are. all of you.

my second month, well everything got fixed. and i found myself again. i knew the summer i met the people in kw who i was. and its come back from being in kw, though by meeting different people, and reuniting with old ones. its been amazing and im totally completely happy with where i am in my life and who i am. ive missed denni so much and i think its made me grow alot too. so many events that have happened have made me grow. its been a great great trip i would say, even though the first month fell apart. sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. i accept that now.

oh dear. im gonna cry alot. i will try my hardest to stay in contact. you are always with me though. i feel bummed and excited. ill be back in 2 years, maybe less. definitely xmas '11. if you want to come visit, ill for sure hook you up. this is so hard. but i know it will just make me stronger. AHHH.

life. is. good.

i wanna go to thailand at christmas, wanna come?

im going to fast in septemeber with denni for ramadan.
wish me luck...

Whoa. Its been a long long while.

Ive been to bali, ive ya, a lot. Haha, now that I think I cant really think..

Bali was amazing. I went surfing, and boy, is it hard. I stood up about 4 times, and only really 2 times I would count. But I only went one day so I guess that’s good. I saw the opening parade for the arts fest, which was cool, but a lot of the same stuff over and over so we didn’t stay for the whole thing. I met lots of denni’s friends who were really rad. I was pretty sick the whole week so I didn’t drink that much. Kuta is kinda shitty, well, I mean, if you are looking for a party beach town, you definitely have it. I wasn’t really into it I guess, I was definitely into the food and the fact that they have a beautiful giant beach that I could just go down to whenever I want, but the fact that there were just so many kinda dude bro guys with their whorish girlfriends drunk all over the street wasn’t really that appealing. Needless to say, that is just kuta.

We borrowed denni’s friends motorbike and drove up to ubud for 2 days, it was lovely there. So rich in culture and fresh air. Well, all of bali has fresh air. But ubud had all these little cute cafes, and so so much culture. We went to the monkey forest, which was unbelievably scary. I was sitting on a ledge with a water bottle and monkey jumped on me and took my bottle out of my hands and I screamed, but just a little scream. There were just so many monkeys running around hissing and fighting and I was scared they would bite me and I would turn into a zombie. We went to a traditional market and I bought a batik dress and of course bartered the price and got it for just 5 bucks. I wore it to dinner, and dinner was so so nice. We went to this little restaurant by the river, the river is like a gorge and there is a big drop before you get to it, but we were at the top. I ordered a pumpkin curry soup and denni got potato skins with pineapple and peppers and this delicious sauce and obviously cheese, fuck it was amazing. Then for my meal I had a greek salad and asked for extra feta, since I haven’t eaten feta since Canada, it was so so good, and what goes better with that then a glass of red wine. Mmmm. Denni got beef stroganoff, I think, I cant really remember. In between our apps and meals, there was a parade that went by, so we went out to watch it, they were all dressed in traditional costume and had traditional make up, I seriously wondered and still do, if they do this on a regular basis, even daily? I don’t know though. When we finished dinner we had tickets to a traditional kecak fire dance. Sounds promising ya? On the walk there we saw the parade had finished and was coming back, though this time it wasn’t as festive and happy as before. They were carrying about 5 people that were all screaming as ghosts had entered their souls, again, I still wonder if this was just a show for the parade or if ghosts had really entered these people’s bodies and they were having a ceremonial parade to get them out. I’m gonna go ahead and say I believe the latter of the two. The traditional dance was really cool, they wear costumes and lots of make up. Ill just post a video at some point, its very hard to explain. But at the end they lit a bunch of coconut shells on fire and once they became coals, this man, dressed in costume, came out with his bare feet and was kicking around the hot burning coconut shell coals and they were flying all over, and even into the audience, it was very very funny, one hit a lady’s leg, one landed on someone’s lap. I mean, ya, it sounds very dancgerous, which Im sure it is but I just kept thinking, if this happened in Canada they would be shut down or sued or something, and just thought about how uptight people are.

The week went by so fast, but I got a sun tan, that I have since lost. And I really enjoyed myself but definitely would like to explore the island much much more. I would definitely recommend it for vacation. We paid tops 12$ for a room for the night, and it was a nice little cabin with free breakfast, no ac but its chilly there. I mean, probably not chilly compared to the -20 weather in the winter in Canada but compared to the 40 degree weather in medan. Its very very cheap for a tropical holiday, and you can drink beer on the beach, I think that’s definitely a plus for my dad, and you can drink beer just walking down the street actually.

I didn’t go bungee jumping, it was too much money by the end of the week. I had loads of fun, went to bars, denni puked on my foot, I bought lots of jewelery, ate soooo much western food and was just super stoked.

Lately ive just been trying to spend as little money as possible. Haha. I’m pretty sure I have a new job, I got a job offer, so I just have to contact the guy next week. I need to find a roommate cuz I don’t want to live alone. But it’s a pretty difficult task since everyone lives with their family until they get married, well most. Anyways, houses don’t come furnished here, so I will have to buy a fridge and furniture and all that shit, bummer. Wish me luck.

Next week my friend from Jakarta gets here. Im stoked. And then the weekend we will go to lake toba. Me and denni haven’t been to lake toba together yet so im stoked. There were so many things I wanted to say and now my mind is so lost. Uhhh. Well the internet is working at both schools now so hopefully I can update a little more often

Saya sayang kalian sekali!!!!

aduhhh.

i just got back from prison.
i was not and have not been in prison. we were visiting my friend. he got arrested on saturday night for rolling a joint. it was and is, very sad. there was 23 people arrested in total. he was at a drug dealers house, just hanging out and the police came. arrested all of them. only one of my friends was there. he will be in jail for 4 years or he can pay 25 mil=2500$. but 8 of them must pay this to even let one person out. corruption is bad here. i feel so sad, and im trying to keep his girlfriend company.

on a lighter note, i go to bali in 2 sleeps, less than 48 hours. i am really really stoked. ill buy you souveniers. oh, i need to find a new job too. by septemeber.

the bell rang i should go to class.

okay. the internet is down for 2 weeks at my school, and i dont seem to get to the internet cafe that often. i mean, i really dont like going to that non air conditioned place to be on the internet. im not one to love online, i know i must go on to email people and communicate and what not, but i dont enjoy the internet so i stay away. so i will update my blog now so that you will all get a little update until our internet is fixed.

only 3 weeks til bali. holy moly, i am so excited. im gonna get so brown, even though i already am, but even MORE. im gonna go bungee jumping. i am gonna do a morning trek on a volcano and watch the sunrise from the top. im gonna eat SO much western food. and cheese. and im gonna buy oleh oleh(souveniors) for my lovely peeps at home and finally send a package out. thats all i have planned. oh and learn to surf.

denni got a job promotion, dunno if i said this already. he is now supervisor of the only macbeth store in the world. pretty cool. i think if he stays there, one day he will get to move to bali and work in their head offices. he loves his job, which is super cool, cuz i dont love mine. speaking of that. its not that i dont love my job, i very much enjoy teaching and getting to know my students and most of them are very very cool. but the office, the bullshit, the salary sucks. i mean, i can deal with bs at work, everyone has to, its usually a part of life. but i know that there are other jobs out there that pay more with maybe the same amount of BS, so i might as well go to the other schools so i can pay my bills, and maybe even come home. though, i cannot switch jobs until sept/oct when my contract is up. but thats soon so i will deal.

yesterday we had a holiday, it was a christian holiday, weird that our christian country, canada, does not celebrate this holiday, anyways, just a day off for me. danny, his gf yuni and denni and i went to the beach. apparently its a 2 hour drive and we took the motorcycles, but dennis tires are bad so we took barry's automatic bike cuz he was in penang, well his tire was flat and has been for quite some time. and shortly after that his splash guard fell off in the middle of the road. i really thought we werent gonna make it. it started raining but we were just laughing about our bad luck by this time. we finally made it to the beach at 3, and the water was SO gross, we opted for the waterpark next to it. it was super fun. denni was so cute and silly and it made me so happy. me and danny were laughing about how much of a little kid he was acting like. running from each waterslide just so excited. it was really fun though. after it closed we went to the beach and watched the sunset and ate coconut. it was a really really good day. then went to eat sushi to celebrate jamie's birthday. yum. then home, and tired, sleep now. haha.

today at work i spilt a whole bunch of ink all over me and my clothing. it sucks. alot.

we get a new guy today, he will be living in the bedroom next to me for a bit then moving to labu. he is 40 yrs old from new zealand. im scared. haha.

there really isnt much to say. im just REALLY looking forward to a proper holiday. the word proper has definitely been adapted from my british roomates, sometimes i say reckon too. what the fuck.

aku rindu semua kalian sekaliiiiii. i think that makes sense.
aku cinta kamu sekali dan mau melihat kamu sekarang. aku harap seorang datang disini. tolong.

get a translator out bitches. then post a comment and tell me what that says.

i figure maybe i should give a true update, well really, my aunt linda said she missed my posts so here i am writing.

im in the crazy internet cafe where all my friends who are boys are playing counterstrike, its a friday night? really? common boys. well they are going to the club later so fair enough.

tomorrow i must wake up at 4 am, are you fucking kidding me? we are going to bukit lawang, the jungle and my friends are driving which is so sweet cuz the bus is kinda really hellish. so i guess i will deal with the 4 am wake up.

ah i must go.
ps there was an earthquake in medan tonight but i didnt feel it.

i really truly wish that somebody would come visit me.

i need some western world good friends to come on over. puh leez.

too many funerals.
i went to see dennis aunt in a coma last week, she had a stroke. 2 days later she died. so i was at his aunts for 3 days pretty much. his cousin, the only child, now has no parents. he is 21, his dad died a long time ago and now his mom is gone, the funeral was so sad, i cried. they wrap up the body and then the family comes to say goodbye and his cousin just kissed her forehead for so long, crying so hard, and it was heartbreaking.

today his uncle died. i feel so sad for him and his family. he says he is okay but i cant help but feel completely so sad. im not sure if i will go to this funeral. i dont think so.

anyways. at his aunts funeral i met this girl, 17 years old, the daughter of their housecleaner. its very strange for a teenager to have a job, but she does, because 1 year ago her dad passed away and they dont have any money, she had to drop out of school and not graduate. she only has one year left. i want to pay for her. its only 15 canadian a month, im gonna do it for sure.

so i was thinking, this is a very very small price and denni lives in a poor neighbourhood and im positive there are kids tthat cant afford school, so if anyone has a sweet nice heart and can spare 15-20 a month let me know, and i will see what i can do with these kids. i would and im sure they would appreciate like crazy, i could take photos of the kids and get them to write letters to you and stuff.

yeah, i think thats the least i could do to help. so if anyone else wants to PLEASE let me know.

other than that, im good, happy, swell. not coming home in september and will be staying another year. but ilove and miss you guys like crazy...
much love

i go to bali and lombok in 3 months with 3 wicked people

I will surf, bungee jump, induldge in foreign food (home food), get a bad ass tan, climb a volcano, relax, wear a bikini. Also in june the tattoo artist comes back to medan, which equals death, hell, lots of pain, colouring of my tattoo.

okay scary stuff. my place has been broken into 4 times in 1 month, so we finally went to the police. we were there for 5 hours, and got 2 stories written about us in the newspaper and also saw pictures of dead bodies ( a maid burnt her owners house down with everyone inside.) later we realized the newspaper stories said that we suspected the security who we see daily, who are part of the mafia, gang, you know, people who do bad things to people. so we moved out of our house to dennis, feared for a lives, then ona, dennis sister, knows the head of mafia so we met with him. "im a gangster in this city" he claims, i mean, he is. definitely is damn bad ass. he told us that basically its his job to keep us safe and nobody will touch us or come close to us, that people are watching and protecting us and if anyone fucks with us, they will fuck with him, and trust me, you wouldnt wanna fuck with him. pretty much the most bad ass person ive ever met.

after this horrible, stressfilled, long weekend, i get a call on tuesday from indah telling me that her brother has passed away. sigh. dear life, may you please throw me something sweet instead of all these lemons?

oh, good news. i got my kebaya from dennis cousins wedding, and its purdy and the skirt is too big though because i have been going to the gym and weigh 127 lbs. BAH. um i had something else to say but ive lost my mind.

I am putting stars beside the ones i agree with

You know you've been here too long if -

• The footprints on the toilet seat are your own. *

• You no longer wait in line, but immediately go to the head of the queue *

• You stop at the bottom of the escalator to plan your day. HAHA.

• You habitually punch all the buttons as you leave the lift.

• You no longer expect any lifts to function logically. *

• It has become exciting to see if you can get into the lift before anybody can get out. *

• You're willing to pay to use a toilet you wouldn't go to within a kilometre of at home. *

• It is no longer surprising that the only decision made at a meeting is the time and venue of the next meeting. *

• You rank the decision making abilities of your staff by how long it takes them to reply "up to you mister".

• You no longer wonder how someone making US$200 per month can drive a Mercedes. *

• You accept the fact that you have to queue to get your number for the next queue. *

• You have considered buying a motorcycle for the next family car. *

• You automatically switch on your emergency flashing lights when it starts to rain.

• You switch on all the lights and keep your headlights on main beam as soon as it gets dark.

• You accept without question the mechanic's analysis that your car is "broken" and that it will cost you a lot of money to get it fixed.

• You think the Proton and Kijang are stylish and well-built cars. *

• If when listening to the pilot prove he can't speak English, you no longer wonder if he can understand the air traffic controllers. *

• You find it saves time to stand and retrieve your cabin baggage while the plane is on final approach. *

• You walk to the pub with your arm around your mate. *

• You walk into a five-star hotel lobby unshaven and in jogging shorts, ratty t-shirt and flip-flops, without worrying what the management might think. **

• You answer the telephone with "Hello" more than two times.

• You expect at least three waiters to be standing by to take your order. **

• You are quite content to repeat your order six times in a restaurant that only has four items on the menu. **

• You regard it as part of an adventure when the waiter exactly repeats your order, and then the cook makes something completely different. **

• A T-bone steak and rice sounds just fine.

• You believe everything you read in the local newspaper. *

• You habitually ignore traffic signals, stop signs and copy-watch peddlers. *

• You instinctively do the exact opposite of what the parking assistant tells you.

• You're not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb. *

• You're not surprised when repair men call and expect you to provide them with tools and materials. **

• You think it is normal to wait six days to get your laundry back or pay a 50% surcharge for same day service. *

• Taxi drivers understand you.

• You own a rice cooker. *

• You consider that 5 kb/s is a pretty good download speed.

• You can shake your hands almost perfectly dry before wiping them on your pants. *

• You look at a pin-up photo of Demi Moore and think that she's rather unattractive.

• When crossing a busy street you believe that a limp wrist motion with your right arm creates a force field that repels oncoming traffic. *

• Suitable family entertainment for a Friday night is to dress the whole family in dark clothing and dash back and forth across Jalan Iskandarmuda and other busy streets.

• You keep a supply of plain brown envelopes in your desk drawer.

• Due to selective memory you honestly believe you could return to the western world.

• You understand all of the above references!

WE WROTE THESE::

... you find wearing a jacket/jumper backwards when riding your bike makes sense and you can see the benefits. *

... you start taking handfuls of sweets instead of being polite and only taking one. *

... a curry-stained t-shirt, pyjama bottoms and plastic flip-flops are a perfectly acceptable outfit for eating out. *

it feels normal when angkots fill up with the engine still runnin...with a lit clove ciggy in their mouths **

in a traffic jam, you start beeping your horn the second the light turns green (or a few seconds before if you're on a countdown).....and your horn sounds like the mario bros theme tune. **

You believe that drinking water after it has been shaken will make you sick

you go to a guest house point to a rat and ask, "is that a rat?" and they say, "nope." Then you inquire a second time while pointing and they reply, "Oh that!? Thats nothing." as the rat runs down the drain

the times you are called mister out weigh the times i am addressed with a feminine term **

riding a motorcycle with no helmet seems perfectly safe. **

-when you are sick, wind is always the problem, masuk angin **

-people wearing sweaters in plus 30 weather is completely, and totally acceptable. **

- you wad up your bank notes into tight balls as it allows you to throw them greater distances and with more accuracy when paying for various services **

your pee while you are brushing your teeth and they both go into the same drain pipe.... Or hole in the bathroom floor. *


*You know youve been here too long when u think using toilet paper is disgusting, water is waaaaaaay better!!!!!! **

... you've forgotten what a real cheesecake should look like, let alone how it should taste, and are happy to accept a swiss roll stuffed with stale grated cheese. **

... 'meat' is a perfectly acceptable explanation for what those dark blobs floating in your noodle soup are.

... a pizza-flavoured donut seems reasonable, as does sweet glazed pastry stuffed with potato curry. **

You fatalistically accept the fact that you have become an expert in Calls to Prayer; listening for quality of tone, clarity, vigor, volume, etc. while putting more ice cubes in your beer. **

and you use the sundown call at around 6.30 as the signal to close your doors/windows as the mosquitoes will be coming in soon. **

you forget what a pavement/sidewalk is **

i really honestly dont think anyone keeps up with this except my aunt, but i will keep updating for her, though i have not in a very long time.

since the last time i posted, 1.2 million, equivilant to 120$ got stolen from my room, and 2 weeks later, my camera, with all my pictures since december also got stolen. BALLS. this is totally balls, i had printed some of the photos, but definitely not all of the ones i wanted printed, so im pretty upset. we have been working on the security of our house cuz we (both, danny, denni and i) are all scared to stay there. the other night at 2 am, we heard a big loud bang, and i freaked out and denni was like call danny. danny lives on the 2nd floor and i live on the 3rd. so i called him and was like wtf? meet us on the stairs, bring a knife. haha, i open the door and denni is getting ready with a chair and then i look down and a piece of wood the cats were playing with had fallen down. UGH. we all were so scared cuz of the cats, this is the 2nd time i've been terrified and it was the cats.

this week i will book my flight to bali, in june!!! i am so so excited to go on a REAL holiday. also i bought an ipod, it was only 1.2 mil and 30 gigs, i missed my music so hard. we get a pay raise next month, so i guess that can replace my camera, or pay my bills.ugh.

i havent been doing much cuz i am so poor, but i am definitely enjoying my time. i miss everyone real bad, and even though i dont write you and tell you this, im always thinking about you guys, crying. you know. my job is getting easier and easier, ive like got the hang of things, but i still dont know this grammar shit worth shit!!!

im getting a kebaya made for denni's cousins wedding, i will be matching with his sisters, and they chose this terrible, horrible green colour for the skirt and shirt. the outside lacey thing is orange, which i would never in a million years choose, and then this god awful green. i really cannot stand the green so im buying new fabric for it, who knows if i will even match know, i just know if im paying money for this custome tailored traditional dress, i wanna actually like it. and i think i can deal with the orange cuz my hair is more blonde now and not so much red.

next week i will go to one of my students party's for her brother, its his circumcision party, when you are 12, YES, DUA BELAS, YES, TWELVE FRIGGEN YEARS OLD, you get circumsized, GILA. and then you have this huge party to say you are a man. anyways, i really like the student so denni and i will go. he says he remembers his party like this, and his experience, BAH. they dont put you under or anything, no meds, just snip that shit right off. wowzers.

anyone coming to visit?

I have finally sent mail. I feel relieved. I have been feeling so bad about it. I have yet to send packages because it is really expensive, which really sucks because some of the things that I have for people are sorta winter based. I’ve been doing some projects with my classes though and am super stoked about it.

I lost my third cell phone in one month. This last one I feel the worst about. Denni bought it for me for Christmas and since he is Muslim, he has never bought a x-mas present for anyone, and I just feel so terrible about it. But life goes on and its not all that bad, I’m a pretty careless person. I should work on that.

OKAY, im so excited. Last night Denni wrote a song about me. Ah its so cute. And his band is recording this month. Im so giddy and little girlish and ridiculous.

My new roomie is cool, but apparently we are getting 2 40 something year olds living with us soon. Uh. The cats are doing good, but really driving me crazy, the big one at least, the babies are cute as pie. I cant wait for mommy to stop breast feeding so she can go back into the wild. She is NOT an indoor cat and I think she hates it.

I think im going to the jungle this weekend again. Danny hasn’t been yet and it will be nice to get out of medan for the weekend. Oh, I got a terrible sun burn and my shoulders look fucked up. I have this rash sorta thing before the sun burn and I went to the doctor and apparently it’s an allergic reaction to air or water or something, so im going to the dermatologist next week to figure out what the fuck it is. Because its like white dots and its going onto my tattoo and its really bothering me. But I want a tan so bad, I guess im a little darker but I wanna be brown. Its so weird, while I wanna be brown, denni is putting whitening cream on himself. AHH. Wtf. Drives me crazy. I’ve been going to the gym and feeling good.

Danny and me talk about here and how its so easy and simple and stress-free and thinking about western world is like AHH. I miss my friends and being able to do things so easily in Canada, order food, shop, ask for directions, but I think once I get the language down I’ll be okay. My Indonesian teacher got in a motorcycle accident though, so no indo lessons this week. He’s okay though, no biggie.

I’m getting sick, like sinus I think, fuck james, where you at girl. I will just get my rest and hope I don’t get too sick. I really wanna get a camera and start shooting again. I miss it. I want a toaster oven too, cuz yeah, I don’t have an oven and I want to make things like pizza and nachos and mac and cheese and beets. Ahh. Soon maybe I will buy one.

I’m tired, my schedule sucks today, 3-6 and 7-9. UH. Too much teaching. Tomorrow will be better. Hope you are all well and I miss you like WHOA.

i forgot to mention that i had my first run in with the cops here.

we were driving home from denni's show and we went to eat after that so maybe it was 1 am. we pulled up to this road that was completely blocked off so we had to pull in. we were lucky cuz one of the police was dennis friend in highschool. we both had no helmets on, denni doesnt have a motorcycle license and his bike thing is out of date, expired in august, i didnt have my passport because it was at the immigration office. they made us empty our entire bags and usually you have to pay them when something like this happens but it was legit so no corruption.
denni says he would have been arrested had his friend not been there. but who knows. it was really weird, and i lied to them obviously and told them i only worked here for one month, or i could be kicked out. and soon after they let us go on our merry ol' way.

just thought i should share that.

tonight we have a party!!!!! AHH

There has been this cat wondering around the office since I started at the new school.
*Side note: IEC has three locations and since I have moved into one of the school houses, its in the same complex as the jemadi school so I mainly teach here now.
Anyways, this cat was preggers and I kept thinking, oh dear, what are the babies gonna do. There are an abundance of strays here, so I obviously couldn’t help but thinking that I should let them grow up in my house. The kitty had her babies and when I came into work on Tuesday afternoon the office boys thought that they were going to bring the cat plus her three infants with them in a box to take them out of the school area, and somewhere else. I, however, thought that they were going to be thrown into the river, as I have seen how people treat street animals here, and animals in general. So I had 15 minutes to decide without my roommates consent that I should keep them in the spare bedroom until they grow up strong enough to be able to live outside. I feel like I will get attached, but there are 3 babies and 1 cat, so I definitely cant have 4 cats in my house. I will be like a fucking crazy cat lady. The babies are so cute and cant open their eyes and cant walk and im so excited for them to become little rascal kittens and want to cuddle.

Oh, im booking a flight to bali tomorrow! I am so excited. Mine and Dennis’ flights will be booked, but his friends Molen and Mikael are gonna come too. Macbeth head office is there, so I get to hang around Dennis’ really fucking cool boss, Yopi and meet everyone else. Also I am gonna go surfing! AH. So stoked. We will maybe spend 4 days in Bali and then head over to Lombok for 5 days. End of June is when this all goes down. There are so many places I want to go in Indonesia its ridiculous. Next week is Chinese New Year and we have 3 days off, so me and my boy are going to Brastagi and there is a place called Bukit Kubu and it’s a big park sorta thing, and they give you kites to fly and you bring your own picnic food, OH, I am BEYOND excited. Denni has wanted to take me since we started dating, and finally we get to go. Picnics in parks here are considered weird, so it will be nice to be in a place where picnics aren’t looked on as gila.

Kapan kau akan beli berlihan untuk ku?- when are you going to buy diamonds for me?

Gila=crazy

im hanging out with my friends here, im making new friends and i have new roommate. but some 40 year old guy might move in with us, and we are kinda really scared. we wanna party.

this weekend was really good. we went to merdeka walk on friday which is a place with a bunch of restuarants outside and you just sit and drink, eat. and shit like that. During the day on Saturday I went out with my friend Rara, and she brought her two friends and we went to this place called Gelato Bar, which is obviously pricey cuz its westernish. I got bruschetta, but there was just so much stuff i wanted on the menu. i will need to go back, FOR SURE. we then went upstairs to cava lounge which is a much fancier kind of martini bar. and WHOA drinks are hella expensive, for a martini its about 80 000=8$ canadian and considering a full time student jobs salary is anywhere between 300 000-1.5 million thats a whole fucking lot of money. i just dont understand how places are charging the same prices as canada, its completely ridiculous. so obviously i didnt get a drink. that night though we went out with my new roomate and denni and a girl from work to a bar called retro. where you must buy a pitcher of beer, or something to get in. so we opted for the beer, price of 215 000!!! holy moly i have never paid that much for a pitcher of beer, i mean maybe there is cover charge with that too, it hink cuz we didnt pay cover but whatevs. we danced for a while and i was stoked to get all dressed up and be able to go dancing.

oh, so when its your birthday, you have to take your friends out to dinner and pay for everyone. how crazy is this?!

tomorrow dennis band has a show and im really excited cuz i have never seen them, only their practice, and he told me he knows what hes wearing already.WHAT A GIRL. hes wearing a v neck that i bought him for xmas, and im stoked because all his friends make fun of him for wearing v necks, he now has 3. and i just tell him that in 1 or 2 years they will be thinking of him as a trend setter. BITCHES. my friend molen is going back to bandung on sunday, which im really sad about cuz i really like him.

im getting indonesian lesson so hopefully i can speak indonesian soon. guys guys, ask me to say something!

I LOVE YOU I MISS YOU

this last week has been really hard.

im not too sure even why. im really missing my friends. im really missing solid ground. its really difficult. i only have one person to tell everything to, to share anything with, to hang out with, and he has friends and his life and space he needs. so for me, this is hard. i want to be able to miss hanging out with friends, well i do, but i cant just bust out to canada and hang out, obviously! i have friends, but they are all my friends through denni, so sometimes to hang out with them without him is weird. i dont wanna be a crazy girlfriend, im not like that. i have nobody to talk to here. nobody to spill my guts to. i need someone to understand me. i need to stop thinking so much. i wish i could just have someone here with me.

i know im here, and what im doing is strong and brave and all that, but its really hard. there are so many things i wish i had a girl to talk about with. so so many things that i wish someone could just listen to and understand.

i need some friends.