Christmas has definitely been different this year, but what else did i expect? Christmas eve was probably the hardest of all. While my family were all getting ready to go to my Aunts and all be together i was here in Meadan with a couple of people who decided it was important enough to leave the internet cafe, which consumes their lives and keep me company and eat the food me, denni and arun prepared. Though they showed up 3 hours late I still appreciate that they came. I had many arguments with the security guards in my complex which lead to tears of frustration and missing everything being so easy, and obviously the fact that if i were in Canada and it was Christmas Eve, I would be in a room full of Madsens' sipping, actually probably gulping wine, and eating as much rice pudding as possible until someone found the almond.

Not everything about Christmas was so bad. I planned a BBQ which only 6 of the 20 so people i invited showed up to. but during the day denni and i went on a picnic to this park with weird children, and by the way, indonesians HATE being outside because their skin gets darker (completely ridiculous thinking, but true) anyways, while i basked in the sun, denni sat in the shade and denounced his love for picnics. I was truley surprised, but extremely happy because now we will be going on more of them. i hope. anyways, it was super cute. then we went to carrefor where we bought loads of stuff for the bbq, including a bbq and then wondered how the hell we were going to fit this, plus ourselves on a motorcycle, it was HILARIOUS. so so crazy, we did it. it was completely laughable, i was laughing so much. i made homemade burgers, and bought some salmon, and made some veggies and even asparagus, YUM. but still the fact that barely anyone showed up made me super sad. I guess i realized that all "my friends" are denni's friends, and im just his gf that tags along. I thought they cared but im starting to realize this is untrue. I dont have friends here. i know some of them care but its hard because we dont exactly speak the same language but im beginning to find it very hard to not have friends. im always surrounded by good amazing, kind-hearted, loving people, ALWAYS. I guess I am pretty damn lucky to be able to say this. And for the first time in my life i dont have these kind of people around. i have denni, who has been incredibly awesome and understanding throughout these holidays and truly i would be a total mess if it wasnt for him but still i need that solid ground, these solid friends that i know are there for me and vice versa.

NOTE: i am totally going to go off on a rant and then will return to the christmas post.

Nobody here is open. I havent heard anyone share their feelings, crying is looked down upon, what kind of society is this? How can you justify crying being a bad thing?

I'm really confused about this culture, in some ways they seems so geniunely happy and content with their lives but they are all so unfree, so locked up! the children arent allowed to do anything their parents dont agree with, they arent allowed to move out unless they are married or studying aboard, they arent allowed to marry out of love but out of religion, they arent allowed to do anything with their bodies or life that their parents didnt do. How do you learn, how do you grow if you cant make mistakes? I see very few rebel from this, which is so strange to me. I mean we were given so much freedom yet still rebelled, well i know i did. ok, now on the other side of things, the parents are treated much better than we probably treated ours during our adolescent years but where do you draw the line? were we completely out of whack, completely fucked up? no, of course not, we had our moments im sure of it, but never did we feel like we didnt love our parents, didnt respect what they had to say. we took their guidance into consideration and they know that, but you cant always side with them, you cant make the same choices they did or they deem right. we are our own people because our parents gave us freedom to choose, maybe not with all choices, and we probably made some bad ones along the way but i can never ever imagine living and thinking about what my parents will think about every single decision i make. the thing is though, all the parents know they have this control and power over their children and it all seems so unfair. they use it against their children and its horrible. dont get me wrong i respect my parents but they arent going to make my choices for me. i guess the control, the non-independence and freedom young people have is the thing i single-handedly hate most about this culture.

There has to be a point where you realize you are you and not a replica of your parents. be your own person, do your own thing, there is so much in life your parents were afraid to do, were to consumed to do, didnt have the chance that you have. Go and do these things, and dont hold back. You will regret more things you didnt do then mistakes you made along the way.



END OF RANT.

Christmas day was weird.
obviously the weirdest. i woke up at 6am to go meet my family on the internet. after that we came home and denni opened his stocking and we slept some more. we went to his house and i got my xmas present a new phone, CDMA bitches. im stoked about it. anyways, i went to work with him because my friends didnt call me and i didnt want to be alone. then zura called and i went and saw twilight with her and her friends, which wasnt as lame as i thought it was gonna be. after that i just went back to macbeth, where there was a whole bunch of people and indah and arga came and indah gave me her xmas gift, a cute little butterfly shirt from bali. we then waited for the rain to stop and went out for dinner at trattoria, this italian resturant, where denni had his first xmas dinner, though he said he wasnt celebrating, i drank wine and that made me happy. it made me happy that he came and ate christmas dinner with me and was just so super awesome about it. so that was my christmas.

other than that i havent been doing much, dennis friend molen is in town, who is fucking really rad and im so stoked about it. and im not sure what im doing new years, there is this party on the beach but i dunno, its so far away, who knows. maybe hotel party?!

enjoy your holidays friends.

im sad.
all my bule friends are leaving me, im here in medan, im going with indah and arga to their family on xmas day but i just cant help being very overwhelmed and completely sad.

today stacie leaves, and im going to cry so hard. im already crying.

i just wanna have a good xmas. i wont.

ahhh..
im keeping so busy here in medan, and having so much fun that sometimes i forget to stop and think about home. i mean, i guess its okay because then i dont get sad that i miss everyone so much, but it makes me feel weird and bad and really sad when i breathe and think about everyone.

i have been doing things that i definitely dont do in canada. the other day we went to karaoke, like intimate karaoke. have you ever seen lost in translation? YEAH, like that. it was so weird and cool. it was half indonesians and half bules. I have been hanging out with lindsay and stacie alot and they both leave this month, actually half of the western teachers leave this month. the only ones left are me, adam, jason and keith. its going to be so weird. i will be living in a house all by myself for 2 weeks until a 25 year old british guy shows up, which is my new roomie. i wish someone from canada would get the fuck out here and teach with me. i promise we would have fun. obviously. anyways, im really sad lindsay and stacie are leaving, stacie is coming back to indonesia in 3 weeks though, just to jakarta and not medan, so i will see her soon enough. since im moving to jemadi i am going to have to say bye to some of my classes at hayam. my favourite class is there, its mostly girls age 14-16 and two boys. they are really sweet and ask me about everything and i will like talking to them and teaching them. everytime they pronounce a word wrong i will repeat it correctly, but if you know me, you know how i talk and kind of make all my words with strange tones, or sounding like a question, well they all copy exactly how i say it and then i laugh really hard at them.

on another note. i got my ribs tattooed. holy crap. one, is it ever cheap to get tattoos here, two, HOLY FUCK. does that hurt like a mother fucker or what. i was in so much pain i almost threw up afterwards. it was intense. denni got a tattoo and apparently muslims arent allowed to have tattoos. the qu'ran says that it closes your skin(blocks your pores) i basically said thats bullshit, cuz it is. and the tattoo artist told him that as well, so he did it. but he's hiding it from his mom cuz if she finds out he will be in deep shit.

i miss the snow believe it or not, i think i just miss breathing that nice fresh air and being cold and cuddling. i go to bukit lawang again this weekend so thats retreat enough. GOD i love the jungle. on monday i go to jakarta. im gonna see angels and airwaves, hahahahahahahahaha. and give out flyers for macbeth. god im so cool. lol.

i always feel like i have so much more to say when i start writing and then i cant think of anything. things happen during my time that i think thats interesting and i should tell people about that. but i forget. oh, fact. boys here think if girls dont shave their legs its hot, WEIRD. just a little cultural differences for y'all.

religion religion

being here has made me have much more respect for religion, seeing as i completely hated it before i got here. i mean, i dont think in anyway i will ever have a religion but i think it's kind of neat that some people do.

i feel like religion is so controlling over your life. like you have these rules that some person wrote in a book and you either follow them whole-heartedly or half ass it. it kind of annoys me when people half ass it. how do you pick and choose which things to follow and which rules to break? i always feel like you totally cant be yourself or express yourself fully because you're scared of what god or your family will think, what others will think. i've had people say to me, oh, i want to do this but i cant. I dont understand how you can want something and be perfectly capable of doing it, but feel held back because of your religion. it just seems so ridiculous, i guess this may be the sole reason that i dont have a religion. oh, and maybe the fact that i cant fanthom the idea that there is some god watching and being there for us or up there punishing us for things we do wrong. if there is a god up there, he shouldnt be so judgemental.

dont get me wrong, i respect people that have something or someone to pray to and rules for life. but for me, i can write when i feel down, i can talk to my friends. i can hope and hope that things will just work, and thats good enough for me. i can learn from my mistakes, because i know i will make them and that's fine. i accept that. i'm me, i'm going to live my life how i think its right, not how some book tells me i should. and with this i will try my hardest to be the best person, friend, anything i can be.

so people keep asking me what i want for xmas.

this is what i miss and what i made a list for for my sister to bring to indo from canada, but now she is not coming so.

falafel mix (bulk barn)
bras (cotton bras from winners, 36B)
Wine
Havianas
Chickpeas
American Apparel Sweater(zip up hoody, dont care what colour, purple or blue or whatever you think would look nice)
Mascara (any good kind really)
Black American Apparel Tights
Taco kits x5
My Craft Kit :( :(
Nylon Magazine
Any Gossip Magazines
Pataks Curry Sauce (not sure which one but its thicker)
Chili Powder
Dill

HAHA. weirdest list ever.

I cant think of anything else, except an IPOD. but money for an ipod.

MERRY XMAS

i have only 10 minutes to write.
i really should give myself more time for this sort of thing.

new news.
my friend indahs father is in the hospital, so thats shitty. and i went to go visit and there was mati lampu, meaning lights out, POWER OUT. power out in a hospital. WTF.

um. apparently indonesia thought they were all cool and had fucking laser disc players and vcd inbetween vhs and dvd. please look up laser disc players, because i had a huge laugh when i found out these things exist.

i gained weight. why when im happy do i eat more. whats the deal with that. ugh. i mean i lost weight, so i was smaller and now im back to the same i was in canada. but its shitty here because people just mention that you have gained weight or why are you fat now. its so fucking annoying. they say oh we are just honest. well, do you want me to say look at the fucking huge pimple on your face, or you look quite ugly today, or you are fucking ugly. FUCK YOU.

im going to bukit lawang this weekend with denni. he hasnt been since it flooded like 5 years ago. im taking him for his birthday which is next week. then dec 8-10 we are going to jakarta! im so excited

my sister is no longer coming until the new year.

i finally signed my contract at work. and will get my flight money back, which is all going to osap and papa.

im staying in medan for christmas because everyone is going away and i have nobody or nowhere to go. plus lack of funds. so i will stay in medan and go to indah and argas familys house. they were both raised christian so they have family that is christian.

i think im gonna get a bunch of fruit tattooed on my side. what are you thoughts?

i go to penang again in one month and not really looking forward to it one bit, BUT in good news i will be a legal worker in medan then!

i ate so much pineapple and papaya just an hour ago and im so damn full. im going to explode. really.

im moving back into a bule house in mid december, i really dont feel independent enough in the house im living in and considering i havent lived with a parental figure in 5 years, its a little tough.

i hope to recieve some mail, i have only recieved two pieces. but i guess i need to send some out. i have postcards just waiting at home. its so much more difficult to mail here though. there is only like 2 post offices in the whole city. anyways. i really miss my friends and i love you all.

MUCH LOVE

ps. hope you are enjoying the snow

new new new.

friends friends friends.

i have and havent been learning more of the language. i do understand more, which is progress obviously, but its been really hard having friends that i cant really talk to. its making me real homesick, you know how much i LOVE talking, so not being able to talk to people is really bringing me down. BUT, i have met a new friend, who is a girl, and is super fucking cool. Her name is Indah, which means spectacular, beautiful, like if you were looking at a pretty landscape thats what you would say. anyways, she speaks pretty good english and is going to take me to a 2nd hand market to go shopping. I am totally beyond stoked.

denni made me write about me being homesick and i wrote a song about jamie. and now his band is gonna play it. haha, its so cool.

we celebrated halloween, they dont do that here. so during class with my kids i made them all make halloween masks, it was super fun and cute, especially cuz i like my friday classes. on saturday night there was a halloween party at my old house. i dont even know what i was, but it was real fun, minus the fact i ended up throwing up. maybe it was because there was whiskey poured into my mouth, or the fact i was drinking vodka out of the bottle. hahaha. so classy i am.

my new homestay is going well. i just need some of my own space sometimes, but i just really need to get settled in still. i need to walk around the area and get to know it and everything around.

i had 4 hours of sleep and i have alot of classes today, and i really just dont even know how i will make it. haha. OH OH OH MY SISTER MIGHT BE COMING, i think i mentioned this in my last post. whoops.

uhh, thats all for now folks.

there are things that i am totally getting used to in this world over here.

.peeing in squattys, i actually go for it even if there is a western toilet there.

.showering with a bucket, again, i go for it over the showerhead.

.riding motorcycle with no helmet, and having that motorcycle burn on your leg

.showering everyday.

.oh i cant really think of anymore, except im learning alot about the culture and how relationships work

ALSO, this is exciting, the family i am living with, the one girl lia, is getting married in december, and she wants me to be a bridesmaid, like i think thats what its called. i will wear a traditional muslim thing and its orange, which sucks cuz i look terrible in orange, but whatever. anyways, im really stoked. and i have to get a dress custom made cuz my boobs are too big. HAHAHA


thats all for now.

so for reason such as these:

1. i feel like i made a emotional decision, which obviously isnt the best of choices.
2. i met local people and am starting to get into the culture.
3. i really hate winter.
4. the economy in the western world SUCKS, and so do the sky rocketting prices.
5. i am starting to get into the job and actually enjoy it.
6. i only felt excited to see people, but not what canada had to offer. my friends and family will always be there. this opportunity will, but not the same.

i am here to stay. for a complete year. i changed my flight to september 7, 2009.

As for life lately, its been pretty alright. I am here in Penang, Malaysia again, because my visa expired today. I am now getting a 60 day visa while my KITAS goes through. In 60 days I will be back in Penang for the 3rd time, and hopefully staying at the beach. Its been raining non stop. UGH. Though I did go and get a 20$ tattoo today. Sweet deal. "Embrace"

Things in my household are a little fucking crazy, ever live with an ex? Bad news. I want to be friends but it is very difficult right now, hence why I am moving out sometime this week. I am moving in with my friends family. They are a muslim family, and I am pretty stoked. I will get to experience the culture first hand which is super cool. I completely thought they were joking when they asked me to live there. I was asking them where I can look for a place and his sister said, why dont you live here?, I thought they were joking. Then about an hour later they said, will you live here?, i said, do you really want me to live here?, yes of course. So sure, I will. They screamed in excitement, apparently I am very well liked. haha. Now they are my Indonesian family, his mom tells me to call her Mama, and his sister Kak Lia, and Kak Viona. Kak-meaning older sister. Its great to feel belonged and safe. Plus they always compliment me, which is a plus too. But they say I MUST shower everyday if I live there. I will be showering everyday, which if you know me, you know that this is a very rare thing for me. I probably should shower everyday its pretty hot here.

Sarah from Germany came to stay at my house a couple weekends ago. Lindsay and my birthday party was on Saturday so we all got drunk and Sarah and I had the worst experience ever. We got in a becak and it was taking us all over the fucking place and I knew we were lost, and I couldnt get a hold of Lindsay, who speaks fluent indonesian, and I didnt know what to do. Its supposed to take 15 minutes to get there and it took 1 hour. Then he wanted to charge us more, and it was completely stupid because it wasnt our fault, so we ran into the house and then lindsay had to come out and yell at him and some randoms gave him 3000 rupiahs. god he was so stupid.

My Indonesian friends are pretty cool. I ride around on a motorcycle with no helmet almost every night. ACK. i think maybe I should get a helmet, but everyone rides here without one. anyways, we usually just go outside this internet cafe and drink bintang and chill. There is a whole bunch of boys and one girl, my favourite two friends of Denni's are Rogi and Evan. They are super nice and I really like them. Denni is the boys whose family I will live with. There is this one friend of his though that i really dislike, he told me i was unhealthy cuz i dont shower everyday while he sat there smoking a cigarette, then he drove us to denni's band practice and im pretty sure he was trying to hit a cat. I think this because I heard Denni say something in Indonesian but he said vegetarian in between all the words I didnt understand. FUCKER.

When I told my classes I was leaving some of them got so sad, I had this one girl add me to facebook and write me a message about how she will miss me and stuff, it was super sweet and cute. Then posted a picture of me and the class and wrote how the class will miss me. AWE. it was so sweet.

I dunno what else is going on. I have just been living day by day and things are going good. I miss you all dearly and hope you are well over there.

VACATION VACATION VACATION!!!

so starting on friday i had a 10 day holiday. ah, sweet sweet holiday.

on saturday and sunday i lounged around in medan, went for sushi, went christmas shopping and ate indian food.

monday morning i headed out to bukit lawang, THE JUNGLE. Claudis this swiss guy, who is my friends boyfriend decided to come with me for 2 days. we left at about 8 am and couldnt get a bus until noon, that is a public bus, which is only 10 000 so we opted for the mini bus which costs 50 000. shit. it took about 3 hours to get there and once we got there we got some rooms at garden inn, a great fantastic place owned by some really cool dudes. I got my own room and was so scared to be sleeping in it by myself but i wanted to do things out of my comfort zone. so step 1, completed. That day we just set up our trek and walked around town. town being a few shops and a river. it was so damn beautiful, i couldnt believe it and i will never be able to explain it.

on tuesday morning, MY BIRTHDAY, i was apparently late for the trek, but nobody told me we were starting an hour early. i got there and met the people i was going to be sleeping in the jungle with, Sarah, a german girl, who is beyond cool. Lindsay, a 33 year old Scottish girl, who is a little bit crazy, lied about her age and had a panic attack and KEPT appologizing for it. Andrew, thats totally not his name, it wont come to mind right now though, he was a 21 year old American, who was a dive master and also lindsays boyfriend, a bit weird, but they were both nice enough.

We trekked for 8 hours, up and down, up and down, very tiring. Almost immediately we saw long tailed macans?, and punk monkeys. they were so friggen cute. About 30 minutes later we saw about 6 orangutans, 2 moms and some babies, but no papas. at first they were super close to us, but quickly got frightened off. We watched them for about 30 minutes, playing in their nests, swinging about, they LOVE to show off and pose. We left with our group and saw one orangutan within reaching distance from us. she was so cute, and huge. we stayed and watched her for 45 mins and she just loved being close to us. she didnt back off once. that was the last orangutan we saw. the rest of the trek we saw more long tailed ones with little babies that came right up to our feet. and one HUGE grasshopper and two weird turtles. we stopped for lunch along the river and got to camp around 5pm. About 10 minutes from camp was a big long hill full of rocks, and mud. of course being the clumsy person i am, i fell right on my upper thigh and cut my hand on a rock. i have a gigantic bruise but i look so bad ass. after that i fell about 4 more times down this hill, but sarah and i were laughing so hard it didnt hurt at all. i havent laughed so hard with someone in a very long time. we got to camp, went swimming in the river/waterfall, played some cards and ate dinner cooked on a fire. at night it started raining and we had to stay under our tarp, which was our sleeping grounds. yes, just a tarp. they told me scary stories before i went to bed, so i had a little trouble falling asleep, but eventually i did, but tossed and turned the whole night. the jungle is quite loud.

in the morning we set off for another day, it was much more difficult than the first day, i had sweat literally dripping off of my face like rain. i have never sweat so damn hard in my life. we only saw gibbons and large centipedes that day. then we tubed( a bunch of tubes roped together ), and we went over big rapids and it was friggen hilarious. the view was amazing, to have the jungle so high on both sides of you was completely stunning. i really honestly will never be able to express how beautiful it was. english major, please go here and describe. when we got back we were starving and ate some dinner and showered. We all met up for dinner later and then brave thing number 3, i walked back to my guesthouse in the pitch dark by myself. it was about a 15 minute walk on a dirt, wooden, rocky path. after about 5 minutes i realized the stars(bintang) were out and in full fucking force, so i calmed down and was totally fine. oh my, the stars, if you know me, you know i love the stars, and i have never ever seen the stars like this in my life, truly amazing.

i learned more indonesian this week, like so much. it was great.

uh then after lots of drinks and a relaxed morning sarah and i head out to medan. we went to medan for one night, before heading to lake toba(biggest volcano crater lake in the WORLD) so on friday we took the 5 hour bus ride there and got our arms tanned on the way. you have to go to parapat and then take a ferry to tuk tuk, an island in the middle of the lake. it was so weird because they had pine trees and stuff there which in a tropical climate i found very strange, its a little colder in toba but i didnt think cold enough for those trees. Beer, food and bathroom were immediate things to do when we got there. After that i had a HOT shower, holy shit i forgot how nice that was. I went back up to the lodge and talked to my friends that were there and they told me they had ate a dog the day before. SO not only did they eat it, they went and chose it, watched it get killed and then ate it, after being told, "oh that was a family dog" I cried. alot. I am so disappointed in them, i really cant get over it. that night sarah and i got drunk and went to our other friends room to drink with them, they had a little puppy and big dog and they were so damn cute. the big dog walked me and sarah to our door when we left. we met about 7 finnish people, of which 6 had blonde hair. SO WEIRD.

the next day my friends left and me and sarah rented a motorycle and switched guesthouses so we were closer to town. that day we walked around and shopped, i did christmas shopping, I am almost done!!! At night it was raining which sucked because we were going to go to this open mic thing, we ended up staying in and sleeping. The next day we rented a motorcycle and drove around the island. i tried riding and haha, at first i was alright then i got off the bike and was turning it around when i put the gas on too much and it flew into the ditch. it was quite the sight. we took it out and sarah drove the rest of the day, that is until we realized our tire had popped. the next auto place was 2 km away so we pushed the bike all the way there to get it fixed. we had lunch and started driving back when it started to pour, GREAT. we stopped in a little restuarant and let it pass. that night we went bar hopping, ran into the people we trekked with and ate some mushrooms, THEY WERE ALL OVER THE PLACE. there was a sign that said laundry and magic mushrooms, it was really weird. they didnt do anything, so we just drank.

the next day was my day of departure so we moved sarah to a different guesthouse and took the boat to parapat.

THAT WAS MY VACATION. i didnt like lake toba that much, i would have been hella bored without sarah, who was my friendly hilarious sidekick. I dont even know if i would go back to be honest, its really cool and i swan in a volcano crater which is cool, and there are mountains all around which are beautiful its just kind of annoying with all the touristy stuff. I would much prefer bukit anyday.

This vacation made me want to stay in Indo. I will be back, that is for DAMN sure.

i have officially booked my ticket home. October 21st at 615pm i will be in buffalo, ny after a 33 hour plane ride.

we went to penang, malaysia on wednesday last week with lindsay and his girlfriend. met this guy linus from finland in the airport so he hung out with us all week. we had to go to make a visa run since i am only allowed in the country for 30 days at a time. I really really enjoy being in penang, we stayed in china town near love lane. the food was fantastic in malaysia, we were really close to little india, so i hit that shit up pretty often, pretty often being 3 times in one day. lol. we went to a huge buddhist temple called kek lok si, its one of the biggest in asia, it was really beautiful and the view was amazing. i bought alot of postcards so expect mail. we didnt really do that much except drink and relax. on sat morn we went to the beach, batu ferringhi and stayed in a guest house right on the beach. the ocean was so incredibly warm, i couldnt believe it. there was a night market in town but by this point i didnt have much money left. we drank a 26er of tequila on the beach, and the last time i did that, i threw up bubble tea in a bird bath and left my shoes at some party. this time, i lost my shorts with my wallet and new earrings, my wallet thankfully only contained 10 ringits, which is like 4 dollars. but i ended up being really hungover with NO water. not as bad as linus though, he lost 50 ringits, his pants, tshirt and shoes. thus he had to ride the bus back with no shoes or shirt on. it was pretty ghetto. oh they got stolen.

i only have 3 days left of work before idul fitri holiday, in which i am not going thailand, but going to bukit lawang, an orangutan sancutary. i will be going trekking in the jungle for 3 days!! so yes, i will sleep in the jungle and hopefully not be killed by a tiger, or sucked by too many leeches. i am really really excited though because there are only 3 places on earth that there are wild orangutans. and as scary as it would be i really hope to see a tiger probably wont happen though.

after the holiday i only have 2 weeks left of teaching! i am so so excited to come home. i cant wait to hug and hang out and love so many people. oh gosh. i will be working a shitty job but i think i actually sort of have a life plan. lol. maybe not so much but i have been thinking alot about what i should be doing. i think i will work until next mid summerish and then move somewhere to aupair, probably england for a year. save as much moola as i can, then come back summer 2010 and try to find a high paying job, maybe my dad's work again if they will let me and save save save. and try to go to school again to be an environmental technologist, i need to look further into the programs and who offers them cuz i am hoping conestoga will so i can live at home. by the time i graduate i will be 27 and be ready to actually start a career. hopefully i can figure all this out.

AHHHHHHH i need to plan now for my classes. I CANT WAIT TO EFFING SEE YOU!

SO.
first off.
i am coming home. october 21st.

I feel really terrible, but also excited. In a way i feel like a failure, not because i originally felt that, just because people are making me feel that way. But i dont really understand it, how can you be a failure when you try different things, isnt it good to try things? I believe that i took a chance, a risk, and it just didnt work out. believe me, i wish it did, its pretty amazing here, but now is not the time. i have had an absolutely amazing cultural experience. it really has been unreal, and will be for the next month. i am not going to sit at home and mope around and be depressed cuz i am not, i feel good, i just feel like i need to be at home. i havent been with my family and friends for over 6 months, and i just really really miss them. would i take it back? probably not. i mean, there are things i could have done differently, but i am not going to look back on it, seeing it as a regret, not in any way what so ever. there were mistakes i made, and i will learn from those.

i just hope nobody sees this as me failing.

on another note.

i am going to penang tomorrow to get our visas extended, and i am SO excited. penang is in malaysia, and we are flying there with a guy from BC named Lindsay(who is super cool). we are there until sunday and i am just so excited to get away for a bit. I am however sick, which totally sucks, but i will try to enjoy my time as much as i can!

also, idul fitri holiday is coming up. the muslims here have been fasting during the day for the whole month of september, and it ends very soon. so we get a week off PAID holiday. I want to go somewhere because i am here and i dont wanna sit at home all week. Lindsay and Stacie are hitch-hiking to Nias, a surfing paradise, apparently. but i think the flight home will be over my budget, (which isnt very much). So, Adam is going to Thailand to go to Phi Phi Island, which is the island that the beach was filmed at, and its pretty close to here, so i think i will head over there with him. it should be exciting, and i think i should be able to snorkel and surf too. its just so cheap over here, you have no idea. the flight is definitely alot, but once you're here you're golden.

the bell is going to ring and school will be over, so this is all for now.

i will see you all soon. oh yeah, i am going to live at home for a while.

i really really want to come home.

who wants to help fund becky get her ass back to canada, donations accepted.

HEY GUYS!!!

so many of you are settled and love where you are or are in school but i just thought i would let you know that maybe you should come to medan and teach.

they are hiring for i think decemberish. and pretty much all year, whenever you would want to come.

if anyone is interested just message me!!!!!

volcano climbing 101, plus my job

http://benlisch.name/pictures/Resorts%20Around%20Medan/Berastagi%202.jpg


this is a photo of the volcano we climbed, i will post this so you have an idea, but when we get our laptop this week i will post my pics! along with a bunch of others.

berastagi was the name of the town we went to for the weekend, we stayed in a guesthouse for 50 000 rupiah, which is 5 bucks canadian. there was 9 of us that went, my roomates and significant others, plus another girl from school. we took a bus up which was about a 2 hour, squashed hot ride. it is much cooler in berastagi than medan, medan is HELLA hot. berastagi we got to wear sweaters at night time, it was SO nice. on the ride there we saw monkeys on the side of the road, they were gibbons, they were so cute and i just wanted to reach out and high five him.

we got to berastagi and searched around for a place to stay and get a great deal, we went to some places that had chained up gibbons, they were chained up by their dick. it was really sad, so we said fuck that place, they also had a owl and a weird looking thing that none of us knew what it was.

we drank some beer, which is pretty good, and cheap. 17000 for a tall bottle, so 1.70$, then headed over to the veggie and meat market, NEVER EVER will i go to a meat market again. I have been having a really really hard time being a vegetarian because they dont eat any beans here and all i want is some fucking chickpeas, or kidney beans. and its very sketchy to eat veggie because they are sneaky little bastards and think that if there is only a little bit of meat in it, its all good. anyways, so i have kinda been thinking about eating meat, but after this weekend i dont think it will happen for quite a while, if at all. there were dead cows just hanging all over, and lots of dead chickens and chickens just all stuffed in little tiny cages, and fish with their heads being smashed and heads cut off live. it was SO disgusting. i got some veggies for cheap though, i think 4 or 5 beets for 50 cents, and 1 kilo of sweet potatoes for 50 cents. and i got 2 kilos of mangosteens for 1 dollar, and 5 avocados for 1 buck. it was wicked.

at night we just went out for dinner and layed low because we were going to climb the next day. i learned to play poker and it ended up down to me and adam and we kinda just played stupidly to end the game and i won. we werent playing for money cuz we were just learning! but the next night we played for money 10 000 each and i WON! well danny (american roomie) and me just decided to split it, so 25000 which is 2.50$ haha.

we started the climb at 930 on sunday morning, and walked to the base from town, which took about an hour, and then started the climb, we were with three indonesians and they do NO exercise what so ever, so it was a bit of a struggle for them at first. but the first part was just paths and really steep, but then we started to go downhill for a bit because we had to climb around a mountain before we got to the base of the volcano. we stopped for some lunch before the base, and it was about noon. then the next little bit was all paths but REALLY steep. it was getting cooler though so it was not so bad, beautiful amazing views though. there was a part where we were supposed to climb stairs but the stairs were actually just mud with steps that peoples footprints had made so we kinda got lost for a few minutes there, then the next part was like jungle trek, it was so cool. we didnt see any monkeys or anything because it is too cold for them up there. after the jungle you can see the hot spots blowing out hot air and the rest is just rocky mountainous climbing, mostly flat ground so that was good. adam pooed on the volcano, before the crater, it was ridiculous. i had to add that though. by this time we could fully see the crater and all the hot pockets blowing steam. after about 20 minutes of climbing we reached the top of the crater and it was just SO cool. there was water in the bottom, but we climbed down and it was not hot. but there were hot pockets and they were all flourescent yellow greenish, and some of them had water that was just boiling so fast. ( OH YEAH, its an active volcano.) it was so weird to be on top of the crater, obviously i kept thinking, holy shit, imagine if this just decided it was going to blow up now. it was scary, but exciting scary. we clearly would have died, but didnt, i am alive, no worries. i got some cool sulphur rocks, it STANK so bad like rotten eggs. it was quite windy on the crater, much more than anywhere else on the mountain. we stayed around the crater for about 30 mins and decided we would do the last of our uphill climb and start going down. Climbing down was definitely the hardest part of the whole thing, which i dont think any of us were expecting. it was all just mud for the first 30 minutes down and didnt even look like a trail and we all thought we were lost but kept going, we ran into a guy from switzerland, so we joined us. we finally made it to jungle and there were steps the rest of the way. it was really muddy and we all were so dirty by the end, with our legs killing. at the bottom there was a hot spring which was kinda lame cuz i was picturing a spring like in dantes peak when they almost die, but it just looked like a bunch of pools, i just put my feet in to relax them. it felt really good, but again smelt super bad, i def did not want to submerge in that shit.

we came home and ate curry and drank beer, got drunk and played poker. on sunday we just wandered around to the fruit market and i would have bought a dog if my roomates had allowed it. it was so cute and a little puppy and they treat them so shitty i wanted it to have a decent life. they were going to sell it to me for 300 000 which is 30 bucks but i could have got them down to 20. :( i am still upset about this little guy. we took the bus to dannys gf familys house and drank some fresh juice and sat on the roof with the beautiful view of mountains and volcanos all around us.

it was a great weekend, good to be away from this hot polluted city.

ramadan started yesterday which is where muslims fast between 5am and 630pm so SO many restuarants are closed for an entire month. its crazy, but we will deal! we only really eat out here because it is much cheaper than cooking your own meals. though tonight i might cook. i want to eat a salad, some beans and smoke a joint so bad. it is unreal.

my legs are in so much pain, i cant even think. i will post something else about my job because this one is just enough already.

i miss you guys more each day.
MUCH LOVE

SO.
i am going to climb a fucking volcano this weekend.
how damn cool is that?!?!?!
we have a holiday monday, so our roomates and some of our friends are going on a road trip!!!
I am stoked, like so fucking stoked.

things thing things

things i have that you dont.

-about 27 mosquito bites.
-mosquito nets on a window in each room to keep them out
-no toilet seats
-no toilet paper in public bathrooms, just hoses to wash your ass.
-12 mangosteens for 50 cents (they are 2.50 for 1 in canada)
-western food that makes you sick
-british, american, and burlington rooomates.
-becak rides (most dangerous thing i have ever done)
-ankot rides
-60 cents to 1 dollar rides around the entire city
-sleepless nights
-nightmares about my going away party, where i wake up and jamie, robyn, dave and drew all hate me.
-non stop sweating
-barbie watches for 2.50$
-men staring at you CONSTANTLY, wowing, i love you
-only cold showers, no hot water
-no internet at home
-nobody walks anywhere here
-lots of stray cats with half tails
-tidak-no, berapa-how much, duo-two, tiga-three, suta-one, termia kasih-thank you(this one i use the most), maaf-sorry or pardon.
-a crazy ass cell phone number, 6281265544824, text me please, it will make my day. really. (thank you jamie quinn you are my love.)

i cant think of anything else right now.

i miss western food, and cooking my own meals. i miss my friends like crazy. i want to call everyone but i cant find a phone card anywhere. when can i call you? when? i think we will get a lap top soon and i can get skype and call you and maybe even see your beautiful face. i think by the end of september we plan to buy a motorcycle.

I MISS YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW.

my job is so hard.

I wrote this on the plane on the way here:


So far our journey hasnt been so tough. The airport was full of tears, hugs, photos and love. My whole family came plus Adams whole family and Robyn and Amir. I felt so many crazy emotions, I know what I am doing is brave and great and I will learn so much. Its just obviously really scary. For the first part of the summer I felt so far away from my friends now i am moving insanely far away, where i cant just call someone whenever i choose. I am scared of not staying in contact and people will change and forget about me and I will suddenly pop back into their lives in a bit. I know this most likely wont happen but it still scares me.

It was really nice to be home for a week. I did however remember why I moved and after being in such a beautiful, amazing city it was really hard to go back to pollution, crazies and little wildlife. It was very, very amzing to get to see all my friends and family. There are some people I wish I saw weekly, even everyday. I am so happy and grateful that so many important people in my life made an effort to see me. I am thankful I have such people in my life.

I am now on the plane heading to Taiwan, where we stop quickly to let some people off. It has been about 7 hrs total of this plane ride and 12 hrs in total plane rides so far. Its morning now and I have not a clue what time it is where you are. This plane is the most gigantic thing I have ever seen in my life. I couldnt believe it. We had a two hour delay in LA (where I did not spot any celebs) but Adam got to see his first palm tree so that was pretty cool for him. The delay didnt even suck at all because i got to sleep on the floor which was much better than sleeping upright on the plane.

Now its been 18 hrs of flying , ONLY 5 more to go. It honestly has not been that bad at all. Pretty good plane food too. I had some lentil curry and rice with carrot cake and salad. For breakfast they didnt have a veggie option (oh, i decided to be a vegetarian) so I had yogurt, fruit and a crossiant which is just about what i eat at home so it was not a problem. We stopped in taiwan for an hour. It was pretty crazy, they had a hello kitty plaza thing. we changed 20$ and got 500$ of theirs. And to buy a bottle of coke it was 25$. SO CHEAP. I bet its even cheaper in Medan. Coming into taiwan was beautiful , we hadnt seen land since LA, we saw a bit of japan but not enough to judge its beauty. Taiwan had amazing huge green mountains(pics to soon come). There were canals that flow through them so blue. We have a window seat now so hopefully we will see more things.

THE END.


now we are in medan. once we got here we were SO tired. we almost missed our flight because they didnt put our luggage through to medan only to kuala lampur, so it was a bunch of running around and stressing out. but everything was fine. The co-ordinator picked us up along with another teacher. I didnt know this but they drive like they do in England. Also the driving is pretty fucking crazy. There are lanes but there are so many motorcycles that they weave in and out of the cars and the cars really dont follow the lanes. The police are corrupt and stopped us on the way in and they make you pay them, for no reason at all.

It took about an hour to get home to our house. We live with 2 English people, who are a couple and super nice. I really like them. Bruce is another housemate, who has been in Indonesia for about 12 years. He is a really nice helpful man from burlington. And our last roomate is Danny from USA, and he has been here for 10 months, and is super nice. All our roomates are very nice and helpful and we all get along very well.

Our house is a whole different story, lots of ants! LOTS AND LOTS OF ANTS. if you keep you clothes on the ground after wearing them they are covered!!!! We live with some lizards that eat the mosquitos, so they are our friends, also they are super cute. The mosquitos are SO bad. I have got bitten probably 28 times. they are all swollen and gross. None of the toilets have toilet seats, but we are bugging them for them. We have no hot water at all. so our showers are cold, not too cold though, and its kinda nice if its really hot out. Our room is super huge though and we have a nice balcony with a hammock.

The food here is pretty delicious, VERY spicy. Lots of tempeh, rice and curry. Fresh juices which is wicked. We ride in buses that are 30 cents to get to school, 1/2 hour ride. or we could take a bechuk which is about 1 dollar and its a side car on a motorcycle. When we go out they LOVE us. always saying "hello miss, hello mr" and sometimes they even call me mr because they dont know. I have had people ask if I am married, and yell out their windows they love me. Its pretty funny and crazy. everyone stares at you and you kinda feel like a celebrity. It hasnt been so bad dressing wise, I can wear tank tops like wife beaters just not spaghetti strap ones. and i have to cover up below my knees.

So far everything is pretty good. The only time I have been sick is when I ate pizza last night, which is odd. I eat Indonesian food and I dont feel crappy at all, then I eat western food and i feel like shit. We are going to the mall with our housemates today to buy school clothes and some food, then maybe swimming this afternoon. I miss you guys and I will be home in a yearish.

MUCH LOVE!!!!!!!!!

WE ARE HERE IN MEDAN.

our address is
BECKY MADSEN
JL Malaka
No.29/59
Medan
20232


our number 62614144001

hopefully i will get a cell phone and a computer soon. I am going to try and update tomorrow with a letter of my journey to you all. I miss you real hard.

we didnt see celebs in LA, we had a 2 hour delay, so i slept on the ground, there are lizard like things in our house, along with lots of ants and no toliet seats.

PICS will come soon.

the traffic here IS nuts.

its 7 am and i leave in 4 hours.

i didnt get to say goodbye to very many people that i wish i could have, but at least my last memories with them arent cries, and i will remember our last time together with happiness and hugs. i will see you again, its no biggie.

im trying to have this comforting thought that i will actually see everyone again, i know this is NOT completely true, but there are some people that i KNOW i will be seeing again. I know that we will stay in contact, and I am going to try my darn best to keep up with mail and phone calls and emails, and BLOG. haha.

It still doesnt feel like I am leaving. I said goodbye to some people, some i have come really really close with. But still i do not feel empty. I am guessing this is a good thing, a positive change. when i left toronto 4 months ago i definitely felt empty. things are good, life is looking up. i am excited for the unknown, the complete different. It is definitely going to be a culture shock at first though.

MY last week/weekend here has been amazing. I did lots of things I wanted to do but didn't get a chance to. I went to blue moon with Lindsay, Jenna and Mish. Mish and I walked home together and I realized how much of an amazing, heartfelt, warming person she is. I wish I had got to know her better while I was here, but I guess I will just have to stay in touch more so. I went to the Kelsalls skipping and was surprisingly alright at it. Colly showed up and it was SO amazing to see her. I love that girl. We went to this hip hop night at the seahorse at about 1 am and boy was it crazy. sexy dancers everywhere. me, not so sexy dancer, felt like i needed to be REALLY drunk to be in there, this was not the case though. Adam came and we all went to pizza corner and colly and i got a donair to split, we both had never experienced it. it wasnt bad, i prefer drunk pizza though.

we went camping on thursday amir and robyn, adam and i. we had a fire the boys built, or i probably should say men built. we made yummy smores (and veggie dogs are apparently really hard to roast on a stick), we even made jiffy pop, obviously drank quite a bit, and finally went down nightswimming, while i was the only one that made it down swimming. I absolutely LOVE swimming, so incredibly much, I am so in love with all the lakes here in Nova Scotia. There was a retired lady staying next to our site and she was on a bike, we asked her where she biked from, her answer:VANCOUVER. I felt so proud of her, even though I didnt know her, also a bit jealous. I cant imagine ever being in that good of shape, even at this age. It definitely motivates me. I think if they have gyms in Indonesia, I will get a membership, its just going to be WAY too hot to be running outside. right now its 10 hours ahead so, 520pm, and it is 32 degrees celcius, but feels like 42. HOLY BALLS.

friday we had our fancy party. everyone got all pretty, and then got all sloppy. the party ended pretty early on account to excessive drinking and early start. It was a pretty good night, what i can remember of it, apart from disrespectful people, and adam vomitting all over himself and our bed. Thank gosh we arent taking our bed. I got to see kelly,erin and noah, who were all in montreal for 5ish days, so that was amazing. oh, i also woke up with a mystery black eye.

went to the ocean one last time with kelly,mish and mish's amazing roomate claire. It was so random and all over the place but SO fun. the water was so warm and i actually swam in the ocean, not just stood there and body surfed. I went to farthest out i had ever been, it was super exciting for me. my eyes were burning, but i loved every minute of it. each time i do something like this it makes me fall more in love with this beautiful province. we came home and got ready for macara house party. it was super fun. lots of people were there and james reid played some great tunes while us mostly girls danced, with adam of course. the cops showed up around 1230 and everyone got kicked out, adam and i stayed and hung out with lindsay, melanie, ryan and james for a bit. It was so nice to just chill after the crazy party mode. we got our last halifax pizza that day.

yesterday we got our lives in order, had people drop by buy our stuff, say goodbye, hang out. it was fun and cute. and i very much enjoyed it. i got some wine, we drank it and lindsay, robyn, adam and i walked to point pleasant for a very short visit because the skeeters were bad. but it was a nice walk in the ritzy neighbourhood.

today. i say goodbye. see you later. get on my first plane ride with somebody. and fly back home. right downtown toronto. we will probably experience rush hour like we have not experienced in all the time living here, and it will be hectic and crazy and rushed and nuts. but fun and refreshing. I am excited, scared, happy, sad, so many things, but all in a positive way.

Thank you halifax, and everyone in it for making my time here nothing but special and amazing. thank you for letting me fall in love with your city, and wanting me to come back. most importantly thank you for letting me relax and help me on my adventures.

i will be back. i definitely will be back.

we are officially moving to indonesia august 18th. we are leaving halifax august 11th, which is so soon.

i feel like we didnt get settled enough here in halifax, but i really dont think now is the time we would. i dont feel like if we stay another year things will change. I really really want to go across seas and teach and i think now is the time. maybe it would have been different if these past few months were different but they're not. and its time to move on. i will miss alot of people i have met and become fond of, i will be back in nova scotia to live again in a while. we have a year contract with our jobs but definitely wont be back then.

my bestfriend feels so far away right now. so so far away. i just wanna hug her and feel comfortable, completely comfortable with her. i feel comfortable with adam but i want to with her. its just not the same.

i am so bottled up. but therapy is helping but making some things VERY heavy on my shoulders. i still cry pretty much daily but i feel better around people. i feel more outgoing and social, not as awkward. apparently i have found myself having abandonment issues. i have to learn to deal with them and move on.

all and all things are going good, minus a few bits here and there, i really cant wait to see my ontario friends and give them all hugs and cry for days. jo gale is here today and i am not going to wear mascara.

i'm sitting here with tequila hair (salt water, plus lemon-natural hair lightener) its a complete mess. i have sand in probably every crevice of my body. and sweating so hard.

as you can probably tell i went swimming in the ocean today. never been, well i was in once when i was like 4 in myrtle beach, but i definitely dont remember that.

it was so fun. Robyn, Erin and I went to the ocean/beach today, it was such a perfect day, not too hot but hot enough. we body surfed those waves even though the ocean was so god damn cold, we stuck it out and did it. it was alot saltier than i imagined. the salt in your eyes stings, i wasnt sure if it was the lemon or the salt water. i enjoyed some of the ocean down my throat, didnt actually enjoy in, but i definitely have the ocean in my bladder right now.

there were these two hot mamas with the most adorable kids, the youngest was the cutest, she was probably about 1 year old blonde curly hair and super pale. SO CUTE. she came over to us and erin gave her a juice box, she just wanted to explore and be friends with us. we felt bad smoking pot around them and stopped shortly after they arrived.

its so nice and hot out and i am going to make myself some salmon with lemon and dill and eat some greens. i feel like a fresh meal after a pretty fresh day. then tonight we are going to drink flirtini's and get silly, and watch some sex and the city.

today was a good day. i have had many good days in the last little while. things are looking up.

oh and i think we are going to head to indonesia instead of china.

i have been waking up at 4am-6am the past few days and tossing and turning for hours on end, then i will fall asleep again and only get to sleep about an hour more.

i feel lost, confused, alone. i want this to change. but by the time it changes i will be in china, lost confused and alone. i wanted this summer to be the best summer of my life thus far. not a chance its coming close to summer 05. i mean, im doing all these things that if i were actually happy then maybe it would be alot better i just dont know.

i dont feel i have a support system really anywhere i go. i know i do. but i dont feel that way. its so messed up. i just want to sleep.

i cry pretty much like its my job. i dont think there has been a day in as long as i can remember where i dont cry. i dont feel like my time here is maximized, i feel like im missing out. i feel left out.

i know some people really dont like to hear all of this, but this is how i feel and dont read it if you dont want to hear it i guess.

i feel bitter, i feel so many wrong things. i just want them all to go away.

im sorry my blog is so negative.

I have been trying to keep happy and busy, so far success. But I know deep down that I am not. But I am working on it!

Lindsay had an idea to do a cleanse/detox and i am following her lead. I think I am going to start the pre prep on Monday or Tuesday for 3-5 days and then get on this shit. It seems like a good idea, I hope I can make it. I am going to make myself make it. I am actually excited for it. THANK YOU LINDS. I will let you know how it goes. http://drbenkim.com/full-body-cleanse.htm this is the website we are basing it on, minus no cooked things. all raw.

On a totally different note, I was at work on Sunday and I work in the photolab with little contact from the rest of the store. I sit, I read, I basically dont do anything unless photos come in, which doesnt happen very often. Anyways, I developed 3 rolls of film from the same person, and the first roll was all good. Then I scanned the second roll, and the WHOLE film was sex. I am not sure if they used self timer, I actually really dont think they did because there is so many different angles and close ups, and I think they were just doing it for the camera? There was 69ing, blow jobs, vagina licking, and just full on sex. I was MORTIFIED, but the more I think about the funnier it gets. Then I put in the second roll and half of it is MORE sex. crazy i tell ya, crazy. I texted everyone I had on my phone, I was stuck upstairs by myself not able to tell anyone, plus I dont know anyone at work. It was just crazy. haha. I couldnt print them and had to put a little slip about porn in their envelope.

Also, we got a wii fit, well its adams. He got it for his birthday. Its fun, some of the stuff is hard. Like I have never ever done yoga and there is yoga and its SO hard. but I am going to try to get into it and maybe my muscles and body will feel better. I am really trying to be healthy and change some things in my life. I want to be more positive and not worry about little things. I came out here to get away from all that, not to be stressed all the time. So i need to really work on it. I am going to run 3 days a week, but not on the cleanse. and eat healthy and try to just feel better.

Still I am really hoping this China thing works out. it would mean I would be home for like 2-4 days before we leave, which definitely isnt that long, but I will make it work. Probably wont see any friends but I will see my family and try to fit as much in as possible.

I have been crafting alot, I love it and I sent some out already and have 5 more waiting here! I am so excited that I am actually getting my butt in gear about this. Also, Robyn and I have our zine which hasnt been worked on in a LONG time and we are supposed to come out with three issues and I dont know if that is going to be possible. but I guess we will try. We need to make goals. like when they will come out and stuff like that. But it should be good.

I miss you home. You all need to come to halifax and sit in point pleasant and listen to the water and take it all in.

i guess the last few weeks i havent really been feeling the greatest.
i feel lost, and not belonged. I really miss my wonderful friends, but i absolutely love this city. I wish I could take all of my friends and bring them out here to live. haha, because i will never in my life live in toronto again.

we had our first set of visitors. jenn, jenna (who actually moved here) and jenns friend, tedd came. we did lots of fun stuff and they all loved it. tedd even went swimming in the ocean off of point pleasant, we only went up to our thighs. i've got a really good tan going on from being outside so much, which is wicked. it was really nice having company, although it was a tad crazy, it was nice seeing someone from home. laura (adams sister) got here on wed the day before jenn and tedd left. so its been a pretty crazy two weeks for us. we did lots of fun things when laura was here too, like peggys cove (which we also went to the following week), we had a games night at erins which was super fun, and went dancing and beaching and it was all fun. I realized Halifax is like a bigger, better version of waterloo. It has the character like that, but bigger and the ocean is here, so rather than waterloo park its like that all around. Just sucks the people in waterloo arent here, cuz that was one of the best summers of my life.

I really miss waterloo people, especially from being here. I miss alot of people. but hopefully i will be back for a week in august, but its hard to see everyone i am craving to see when im only there for a week.

Adam and i are hopefully going overseas to teach english at the end of the summer, which is WONDERFUL. we will be gone for a year or longer, and we cant bring hank and stan so thats balls. i need to send more mail, but i cant afford it. HAHA. i have crafts pre packaged. so be expecting shit, well some of you.

if you want stuff asap. send me your address now.

well to all my HOMEies. i miss you guys so hard you dont even know. i love you all forever and promise to keep in touch wherever we go. though, i will probably end up living in nova scotia forever and have babies and a real job, so you will have to come visit me. but then you all will be able to afford it with real jobs and shit! haha.
I MISS YOU I AM HOMESICK SO BAD

this past week(end) has been just wonderful.
i:
planted a garden(well not planted but dug it up for the planting) along with help from adam and amir, and robyn of course, considering its OUR garden.

went on many bike rides, drunken ones, sober ones, afternoon ones, night ones, rain ones even.

played some frisbee, which is definitely not unusual here.

crafted, aka worked on our zine. Which by the way is going to be amazing. test kitchen, lots o recipes, and fuck all around its just going to be wicked.

made alot of homemade meals. some burgs, red curry, chicken curry stuff, homemade soup, and just lots of good creations.

ate ice cream at the harbour with my aunt and adam.

ran to point pleasant park.

found a WHOLE sea urchin and a crab shell, saw jelly fish, and starfish and alive sea urchins.

went to a party at jessi and justins, and we hung out in the shed and the cops came.

AND.
today is a clothing swap, i have so many clothes, and i just got rid of a bunch before i moved but i managed to scrounge alot of shit up anyways. hopefully there are some goodies. also today i get to meet alexis, which i am definitely excited about. WELCOME HOME GIRL.

I love my life.

1. Besides your mouth, where is your favourite spot to get kissed?
neck.

2. Were you happy when you woke up today?
no not so much, it was early and i had to take the bus cuz it was raining.

3. How about now?
im good, adam is dancing around making me laugh.

4. Do you eat candy on a daily basis?
nope.

5. Who was the last person you ate with?
adam, we made homemade burgs this afternoon

6. Are you currently taking a science class in school
no way jose.

7. Kiss on the first date?
probs.

8. Would you rather have chicken or steak?
depends on my mood.

9. Are you different now than you were six months ago?
yeah, i was not so happy working in toronto and being in toronto. but it was christmas time and i missed robyn but i got to spend lots of time with my family and home friends. which was good. but yeah i am different.

10. What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?
uhh, milk i think.

11. How old will you be in 6 months?
i will be 22.

12. Who was the last person to text you?
kelly z.

13. What month is your birthday in?
september. the last day of it.

14. Can you live a day without tv?
yes, we officially dont have cable anymore.

15. When was the last time you saw your dad?
when he drove us out to hali. he calls daily though.

16. How many houses have you lived in?
18. wowzers!

17. How many cities/towns have you lived in?
7.

18. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
barefeet yo.

19. What is your favourite color?
royal blue.

20.What are you doing for your next birthday?
hoepfully i will be in china. so doing something china like

21. What are you thinking about right now?
how i have zero dollars.

22. Any plans for next weekend?
not any. going to beans on sunday for a clothing swap. but thats all.

23. Do you smile a lot?
i try.

24. When was the last time you cried and why?
today. cuz im confused and not myself.

25. Have you ever had a life-threatening injury?
no. not at all.

26. What do you want to be when you grow up?
no clue. a hippie. haha

27. Do you like flying or driving?
i like driving. flying is pretty cool when you have gum so your ears dont hurt so much you tear up.

28. Do you know how to drive a stick shift?
def not.

29. What is your favourite thing to spend money on?
groceries.

30. Do you wear any jewellery daily?
my plugs and nose ring.

31. Who got you the jewellery you are currently wearing?
see above

32. Who is the funniest person you know?
adam, beans and james.

33. How often do you remember your dreams?
alot of the time

34. What is your ringtone?
drop it like its hot

35. Skim, 1%, 2%, or whole milk?
1%

36. Are you mad about anything?
sortaish

37. What time did you go to sleep last night?
12?

38. It's 4 in the morning, your phone rings who do you expect to be?
robyn drunk. or dave.

39. Have you kissed anyone over 18?
i date someone over 18. i hope.

40. how is life going for you right now?
will be going good soon enough.

41. Who was the last person you talked to on MSN?
uhh, jo gale.

42. Last words you spoke?
you're fucked.

43. Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with an M?
yes.

44. Can you play guitar hero?
no not really

45. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
WARM

46. What do you currently hear right now?
adam singing top gun soundtrack

47. What do you think your best friend's doing right now?
moving her shit or packing.

48. How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
28-31

49. Would you rather watch football or baseball?
BASEBALL!!!! FO SHO

50. Where is your number one person on your friend's list?
adam on facebook.

51. Do you feel like dancing?
yes, i much enjoy it.

52. How much money do you have on you?
i think 2.50 which is all the money i have for 2 more weeks.

53. Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
no.

54. Do you speak another language other than English?
def not

55. What did you eat today?
celery, half a sandwich for breaky, hamburger, and some lemonade. robyn, amir and adam and i are having taco night tonight though! STOKED

56. Did you do anything exciting last summer?
yes, a ton of fun shit. camping, bbqs, wonderland, toronto islands. it was all around a good summer.

57. Who was the last friend in your house?
robyn and amir

58. Is there someone you want to fight?
only 2 peeps.

59. Song playing right now?
playing with the boys-kenny rogers, thanks to my record player, and adams top gun record.

60. What’s your middle name?
lorene

61. What were you doing an hour ago?
cleaning

62. What does your last text message in your inbox say?
i miss you too pretty lady, when are you free bb? we should go thrifting.

63. Do you secretly like someone?
adam?

64. Where were you Friday night?
at my house, got drunk, it was adams bday

65. do you where a seatbelt in a car?
i always wear one.

66. Has anyone ever mistaken you for someone else?
nope

67. Next vacation you're going on?
maybe some peggys cove action.

68. Do you have any piercings?
ears nose.

70. What's something you really want right now?
happiness always.

71. Do you like to text or call more?
text

72. What's the closest blue object to you?
my passport. or my tights i guess

73. Is there anyone you hate?
two.

74. Do you like the colour orange?
its aight

75. Where was your last long road trip to?
halifax.

76. Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else?
no not really.

77. What is the weather like today?
nice, it was crap this morning, but now its 16 and sunny.

78. Who did you last talk to on the phone for over 20 minutes?
oh dear. i do not know, jamie, last week sometime.

79. Where will you be in an hour?
making some grub with beans

80. What does your best friends call you?
b, becky.

81. Have you ever kissed someone with braces?
i dont think i have kissed anyone wearing braces, but i have had braces and kissed.

82. Who is the fourth received call on your call log?
restricted number, my aunt.

83. How many pillows on your bed?
2

84. Who was the last text message you sent to?
james, i believe

85. What's the last thing you bought?
wax paper.

86. Do any of your friends annoy you?
on occasion. but i try to keep good company.

87. When was the last time you cried from laughing so hard?
not in a long while.

88. What are you listening to right now?
take my breathe away

89. Who do you make fun of the most?
adam. haha, i love him though.

90. Whats the longest you stayed on the phone?
oh a hell of a long time, i used to always get in trouble for being on the phone for hours.

91. Has your best friend ever seen you cry?
yeah you can be my non best friend and watch a sad movie or an episode of greys anatomy with me, you will see me cry

92. Where did you last go out to eat?
stonehaven.

93. Do you dance in the car?
yes, as much as i can without being a hazard to the road.

94. Do you and your best friends act alike?
robyn and i are the same person. but james and i have similarities but are much different.

95. What is a noise that you cannot stand?
some hardcore music adam listens to.

96. Have you lied within the past 24 hours?
dont think so

97. Where did you get your last cut from?
pony.

98. Would you rather sleep at a friend's or have them over?
sleep at a friends i guess.

99. Have you ever thought you were going to die?
haha yeah, i once thought i was having a heart attack, turns out i smoked too much weed and was tripping balls

100. How do you like your steak?
medium well

101. What is your oldest recieved call?
robyn.

102. Do you own any Hollister or American Eagle shirts?
def not, havent even been in a hollister

103. Ever shop at a thrift store?
basically only thrift stores.

104. Do you have depressing days?
uhh, who doesnt

105. Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex?
adam, but other than that not really.

106. Where will you be 12 hours from now?
sleeping.

107. What about 4 hours from now?
maybe watching point break.

108. Is it easy for others to make you feel intimidated?
depends who they are.

109. Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow?
black joe fresh pants with my ugly work shirt.

112. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
yes, to the 60's when i could drop acid and not know the side effects, and listen to the beatles all the time.

So its been exactly two weeks since we have been in this lovely city.
its so damn wonderful. this weekend was just fabulous.
We went out to the argyle for drinks and food, the local beer pitcher was 18 dollars?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I have never ever in my life paid that much for a pitcher, not even in Toronto. I need to find cheap pitchers in this city, any hints guys?!
anyways, we went out with aaron and cory and eddie(guys in town for the tattoo convention), plus robyn and amir. Then adam and I came home and watched into the wild, which is an AMAZING MOVIE that everyone must see.

It really really made me want to be a hippie and buy a motor home and travel the country, maybe i will do that when we get back from all our other adventures, they live on basically nothing and just survive and live with nature. I could totally do it.

On sat I had my first job interview at the Atlantic Superstore for the photo lab, I know its pretty crappy but I need some dollars, plus there are discounts, and grocery shopping is probably one of my most favourite things to do. It went well, I think, I hope I got the job. I have another job interview today, at a different superstore on quinpool, its about a 35 minute walk from my house.

Saturday night was our first night on the town. We went to bingo, where we all lost, and then we pre drank at our house, it was really fun, I had saved a polaroid for a special moment and this was it. Kelly, who is my 18 year old friend that is still in high school, and is so crazy cute, Robyn and i dressed her and she got into Tribeca which was really cool, cuz the only other time she had snuck in was when i was here in march to micheals for karaoke. We had alot of fun dancing and swinging. this 26 year old guy was hitting on kelly, so i told him what time it was. HAHA, also he had a girlfriend, what a slut. After the bar, we went to the famous pizza corner, and got pizza, as I was walking across spring garden(a large downtown street) I dropped my pizza in the middle of the road, but def picked it up and ate it, a bunch of people saw and laughed, FUCK EM. 5 sec rule yo. I also decided it would be a good idea to walk home in my bear stocking feet in the rain cuz my feet hurt from my boots, my thoughts were, "we're not in Toronto, I doubt I will step on a needle" HAHA. Oh I love it here.

Adam got two seagulls fighting over a hot dog tattooed on his leg at the conevntion, and we saw the worlds most tattooed guy and he swallowed a sword, AHH, he was super nice thought. I guess he was all tatttooed and then blacked himself out and is now tattooing himself in white. CRAZY. but cool. We played tips, a frisbee game in the park while adam got tattooed, it was so fun, and of course the girls won!

I cant wait to get a bike and bike to peggys cove, adams birthday is on friday and maybe this weekend we will go to peggys cove, depending on his leg. I want to bike bike bike. cuz i am running and its so crazy and i like biking better.

I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT HERE. it feels so right.

Oh and i got mail from lynn kane and it was my first mail on my second day, MADE MY DAY!

So we have arrived here in Halifax.

the end of it all was pretty sad in Ontario. I tried not to cry too much, and there are some people I know that wont forget me and I wont forget them so as long as those friends stay around forever its all good. Plus so many good people say they are coming to visit me, though i still miss people, and will probably cry lots in about a month.

The drive was so completely ridiculously long, we have driven straight to flordia and it was 24 hrs, but this trip seemed longer, and we drove all the way to Utah and that didnt seem as long either. I will have to figure out how to post pictures and show you our truck, it was so CRAZY. we left on monday night at 8 and then got to Mississauga and my dad realized he forgot his wallet. so we had to turn back around and grab it. I only drove for like 2 hours the whole way, Adam and my dad did most of the driving, I almost finished my book. We stopped once for breakfast and thats all! we stopped to go pee and get gas, ALOT OF GAS. It was really beautiful, I would have to say Quebec was the prettiest, just after quebec city and riviere du loup there were mountains and stuff it was real nice. The floods in New Brunswick were CRAZY, there was water about a foot away from the transcanada high way.

When we arrived at 7pm on tuesday Robyn, Amir and Ryan were there waiting on our step. We got unpacked in about 15 minutes, but still organzing our house, and realized that we forgot ALL our cutlery in cambridge. BALLS.

We just went to bearlys for some food and drinks, and the pitchers in halifax are SO small and the same price as our ontario ones. its ridiculous, that is my only complaint so far. haha.

we went to the harbour and saw starfish and lots of urchins. it was so so neat. Its so beautiful here and I cant wait to get all settled in and find a job. ANYONE KNOW ANYWHERE HIRING?! Last night we went to karaoke and i got to see some peeps that i hadnt seen yet, and meet some new ones. adam and james reid sang regulators and it was so good! we sang hey jude and of course it was wonderful.

its nice out and i think we will go for a walk today and tonight kelly is coming over for dinner and robyn is going to come over later and we will make crafts. I am excited for adventures and this city and visits and everything!

life is good!

halifax.

As many or all of you may know, I am moving to Halifax in 11 days, with my wonderful boyfriend, Adam.
We are moving onto South St. I am beyond excited to be close to the ocean, in a beautiful city and meet new people, and of course, ROBYN.
The other day I had to say bye to my first person and realized that this is really coming on soon, I leave Toronto in 4 days. Its really crazy. I started crying because I realized this was goodbye, well so long for now. Our going away party is tomorrow and I can just imagine how sad that is going to be. I will see Jamie the last time on Sunday, we will both cry our little hearts out.
Some of the people I will be leaving I have already left when I moved to Oakville or Toronto, some of them I really havent seen for 1-3 years. But we are all still good and pick up where we left off. I am pretty good with keeping in touch or at least knowing our stance on our friendship before I leave.
I will write more letters than I have ever written before.
I am starting this blog to keep those Ontarians updated on all the wonderful things out east. Its going to be a hell of an experience. I want to see the world and travel. We were both starting our careers, and come on, we are like 21, 22 and I dont want to start my life now. We both want to adventure and just get by and love life. Thats what life is about, and I am glad we had the guts to go out and live it.
So to all those people that dont actually want to be settled down right now, what is holding you back. go out and live your life, see the world.