religion religion

being here has made me have much more respect for religion, seeing as i completely hated it before i got here. i mean, i dont think in anyway i will ever have a religion but i think it's kind of neat that some people do.

i feel like religion is so controlling over your life. like you have these rules that some person wrote in a book and you either follow them whole-heartedly or half ass it. it kind of annoys me when people half ass it. how do you pick and choose which things to follow and which rules to break? i always feel like you totally cant be yourself or express yourself fully because you're scared of what god or your family will think, what others will think. i've had people say to me, oh, i want to do this but i cant. I dont understand how you can want something and be perfectly capable of doing it, but feel held back because of your religion. it just seems so ridiculous, i guess this may be the sole reason that i dont have a religion. oh, and maybe the fact that i cant fanthom the idea that there is some god watching and being there for us or up there punishing us for things we do wrong. if there is a god up there, he shouldnt be so judgemental.

dont get me wrong, i respect people that have something or someone to pray to and rules for life. but for me, i can write when i feel down, i can talk to my friends. i can hope and hope that things will just work, and thats good enough for me. i can learn from my mistakes, because i know i will make them and that's fine. i accept that. i'm me, i'm going to live my life how i think its right, not how some book tells me i should. and with this i will try my hardest to be the best person, friend, anything i can be.

so people keep asking me what i want for xmas.

this is what i miss and what i made a list for for my sister to bring to indo from canada, but now she is not coming so.

falafel mix (bulk barn)
bras (cotton bras from winners, 36B)
Wine
Havianas
Chickpeas
American Apparel Sweater(zip up hoody, dont care what colour, purple or blue or whatever you think would look nice)
Mascara (any good kind really)
Black American Apparel Tights
Taco kits x5
My Craft Kit :( :(
Nylon Magazine
Any Gossip Magazines
Pataks Curry Sauce (not sure which one but its thicker)
Chili Powder
Dill

HAHA. weirdest list ever.

I cant think of anything else, except an IPOD. but money for an ipod.

MERRY XMAS

i have only 10 minutes to write.
i really should give myself more time for this sort of thing.

new news.
my friend indahs father is in the hospital, so thats shitty. and i went to go visit and there was mati lampu, meaning lights out, POWER OUT. power out in a hospital. WTF.

um. apparently indonesia thought they were all cool and had fucking laser disc players and vcd inbetween vhs and dvd. please look up laser disc players, because i had a huge laugh when i found out these things exist.

i gained weight. why when im happy do i eat more. whats the deal with that. ugh. i mean i lost weight, so i was smaller and now im back to the same i was in canada. but its shitty here because people just mention that you have gained weight or why are you fat now. its so fucking annoying. they say oh we are just honest. well, do you want me to say look at the fucking huge pimple on your face, or you look quite ugly today, or you are fucking ugly. FUCK YOU.

im going to bukit lawang this weekend with denni. he hasnt been since it flooded like 5 years ago. im taking him for his birthday which is next week. then dec 8-10 we are going to jakarta! im so excited

my sister is no longer coming until the new year.

i finally signed my contract at work. and will get my flight money back, which is all going to osap and papa.

im staying in medan for christmas because everyone is going away and i have nobody or nowhere to go. plus lack of funds. so i will stay in medan and go to indah and argas familys house. they were both raised christian so they have family that is christian.

i think im gonna get a bunch of fruit tattooed on my side. what are you thoughts?

i go to penang again in one month and not really looking forward to it one bit, BUT in good news i will be a legal worker in medan then!

i ate so much pineapple and papaya just an hour ago and im so damn full. im going to explode. really.

im moving back into a bule house in mid december, i really dont feel independent enough in the house im living in and considering i havent lived with a parental figure in 5 years, its a little tough.

i hope to recieve some mail, i have only recieved two pieces. but i guess i need to send some out. i have postcards just waiting at home. its so much more difficult to mail here though. there is only like 2 post offices in the whole city. anyways. i really miss my friends and i love you all.

MUCH LOVE

ps. hope you are enjoying the snow

new new new.

friends friends friends.

i have and havent been learning more of the language. i do understand more, which is progress obviously, but its been really hard having friends that i cant really talk to. its making me real homesick, you know how much i LOVE talking, so not being able to talk to people is really bringing me down. BUT, i have met a new friend, who is a girl, and is super fucking cool. Her name is Indah, which means spectacular, beautiful, like if you were looking at a pretty landscape thats what you would say. anyways, she speaks pretty good english and is going to take me to a 2nd hand market to go shopping. I am totally beyond stoked.

denni made me write about me being homesick and i wrote a song about jamie. and now his band is gonna play it. haha, its so cool.

we celebrated halloween, they dont do that here. so during class with my kids i made them all make halloween masks, it was super fun and cute, especially cuz i like my friday classes. on saturday night there was a halloween party at my old house. i dont even know what i was, but it was real fun, minus the fact i ended up throwing up. maybe it was because there was whiskey poured into my mouth, or the fact i was drinking vodka out of the bottle. hahaha. so classy i am.

my new homestay is going well. i just need some of my own space sometimes, but i just really need to get settled in still. i need to walk around the area and get to know it and everything around.

i had 4 hours of sleep and i have alot of classes today, and i really just dont even know how i will make it. haha. OH OH OH MY SISTER MIGHT BE COMING, i think i mentioned this in my last post. whoops.

uhh, thats all for now folks.