I am putting stars beside the ones i agree with

You know you've been here too long if -

• The footprints on the toilet seat are your own. *

• You no longer wait in line, but immediately go to the head of the queue *

• You stop at the bottom of the escalator to plan your day. HAHA.

• You habitually punch all the buttons as you leave the lift.

• You no longer expect any lifts to function logically. *

• It has become exciting to see if you can get into the lift before anybody can get out. *

• You're willing to pay to use a toilet you wouldn't go to within a kilometre of at home. *

• It is no longer surprising that the only decision made at a meeting is the time and venue of the next meeting. *

• You rank the decision making abilities of your staff by how long it takes them to reply "up to you mister".

• You no longer wonder how someone making US$200 per month can drive a Mercedes. *

• You accept the fact that you have to queue to get your number for the next queue. *

• You have considered buying a motorcycle for the next family car. *

• You automatically switch on your emergency flashing lights when it starts to rain.

• You switch on all the lights and keep your headlights on main beam as soon as it gets dark.

• You accept without question the mechanic's analysis that your car is "broken" and that it will cost you a lot of money to get it fixed.

• You think the Proton and Kijang are stylish and well-built cars. *

• If when listening to the pilot prove he can't speak English, you no longer wonder if he can understand the air traffic controllers. *

• You find it saves time to stand and retrieve your cabin baggage while the plane is on final approach. *

• You walk to the pub with your arm around your mate. *

• You walk into a five-star hotel lobby unshaven and in jogging shorts, ratty t-shirt and flip-flops, without worrying what the management might think. **

• You answer the telephone with "Hello" more than two times.

• You expect at least three waiters to be standing by to take your order. **

• You are quite content to repeat your order six times in a restaurant that only has four items on the menu. **

• You regard it as part of an adventure when the waiter exactly repeats your order, and then the cook makes something completely different. **

• A T-bone steak and rice sounds just fine.

• You believe everything you read in the local newspaper. *

• You habitually ignore traffic signals, stop signs and copy-watch peddlers. *

• You instinctively do the exact opposite of what the parking assistant tells you.

• You're not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb. *

• You're not surprised when repair men call and expect you to provide them with tools and materials. **

• You think it is normal to wait six days to get your laundry back or pay a 50% surcharge for same day service. *

• Taxi drivers understand you.

• You own a rice cooker. *

• You consider that 5 kb/s is a pretty good download speed.

• You can shake your hands almost perfectly dry before wiping them on your pants. *

• You look at a pin-up photo of Demi Moore and think that she's rather unattractive.

• When crossing a busy street you believe that a limp wrist motion with your right arm creates a force field that repels oncoming traffic. *

• Suitable family entertainment for a Friday night is to dress the whole family in dark clothing and dash back and forth across Jalan Iskandarmuda and other busy streets.

• You keep a supply of plain brown envelopes in your desk drawer.

• Due to selective memory you honestly believe you could return to the western world.

• You understand all of the above references!

WE WROTE THESE::

... you find wearing a jacket/jumper backwards when riding your bike makes sense and you can see the benefits. *

... you start taking handfuls of sweets instead of being polite and only taking one. *

... a curry-stained t-shirt, pyjama bottoms and plastic flip-flops are a perfectly acceptable outfit for eating out. *

it feels normal when angkots fill up with the engine still runnin...with a lit clove ciggy in their mouths **

in a traffic jam, you start beeping your horn the second the light turns green (or a few seconds before if you're on a countdown).....and your horn sounds like the mario bros theme tune. **

You believe that drinking water after it has been shaken will make you sick

you go to a guest house point to a rat and ask, "is that a rat?" and they say, "nope." Then you inquire a second time while pointing and they reply, "Oh that!? Thats nothing." as the rat runs down the drain

the times you are called mister out weigh the times i am addressed with a feminine term **

riding a motorcycle with no helmet seems perfectly safe. **

-when you are sick, wind is always the problem, masuk angin **

-people wearing sweaters in plus 30 weather is completely, and totally acceptable. **

- you wad up your bank notes into tight balls as it allows you to throw them greater distances and with more accuracy when paying for various services **

your pee while you are brushing your teeth and they both go into the same drain pipe.... Or hole in the bathroom floor. *


*You know youve been here too long when u think using toilet paper is disgusting, water is waaaaaaay better!!!!!! **

... you've forgotten what a real cheesecake should look like, let alone how it should taste, and are happy to accept a swiss roll stuffed with stale grated cheese. **

... 'meat' is a perfectly acceptable explanation for what those dark blobs floating in your noodle soup are.

... a pizza-flavoured donut seems reasonable, as does sweet glazed pastry stuffed with potato curry. **

You fatalistically accept the fact that you have become an expert in Calls to Prayer; listening for quality of tone, clarity, vigor, volume, etc. while putting more ice cubes in your beer. **

and you use the sundown call at around 6.30 as the signal to close your doors/windows as the mosquitoes will be coming in soon. **

you forget what a pavement/sidewalk is **